Today, last day of July. Haiz. Started off badly, fortunately it turns abit better in the afternoon. Just hope it ended peacefully for the rest of the night. These few days when daddy come home, I'll be looking for his mood, unsure which day he'll actually learned about my sucky results. =X

I climbed out of bed today in extremely blue mood, the "don't-talk-to-me" attitude. Then reached class, realised that I'm suppose to do AJ P3 03 for physics. Worsen my mood cause I know I'll be dead for not doing the work. Then first period was already physics lect. No time to do. Even if I wanted to copy also no time. So just pray hard Mr Ang will not be checking. But well luck's not at my side, he came over to the girls, walk straight to me and ask for my paper. Told him I didn't do, get scolded, said didn't do suppose to stand up behind the lect (his punishment), explained I didn't know must do, then he walked off. I swear and promise I didn't know must do lar! I already did what I know must be done, and then I'm still scolded, what's more is that actually I'm not the only one who didn't do, me friend beside me also didn't and he didn't even ask her for her work, so its like what the! so get more piss off. But fortunately he didn't insist that I stand up. Well from a teacher's view I can understand why I'm scolded but from my view I understand but not happy lar.

At the moment I explain and told him, I felt the rebellious hong. Perhaps its the blue mood I'm in then and the fact that he's only asking for my work, I just feel the need to defend myself esp. I didn't know bout the work. Ok the point is not this but I feel the hong in sec 3 when I'm sitting right beside Mrs Lim since I'm in the first row, centre, in class. When everything I did just seems to get pick by Mrs Lim, how she screamed, scold, nightmare I tell you. The ultimate is topic 'waves' during the 1 week extra lesson in nov hols 2003. I'll never forget that. Then I promise myself I'll prevent to my best ability to let her had any chance to find fault with me. Since then, top alert during Physics lesson to counter any challenge Mrs Lim 'throw', manage to stay in the better half of the class during Mrs Lim's Killer tests. After that I occasionally still get scream by her then her 'aiyo', but other than that I'm safe. And I know she saw the change in me. The 'wave period' I hated physics lesson, I dislike Mrs Lim, even if you ask me now, I'll still say I don't really like her, too terrifying, BUT I respect her lots, I think she's one of the bestest teachers around, its ZHSS loss to let such a great teacher go. Mrs Lim Rawks! Haha.

Erm think I go abit too much into xiang dang nian again... What I hope for now is another of that feeling to prove that I can do it. Today at Physics lect, I thought I feel it, hopefully it stays. For maths and chem, it will be more on the motivation of not wanting to disappoint, and also abit of I can do better than what you all think I'm capable of. The teachers gave us somehow a prediction of our prelim 2. Well mine is bad. But I know looking at my results over the one and half years, that seems like the only results I capable of. Hopefully I can prove them wrong.

I need all this self motivation talk, self encouragement for myself. Like Mr Ang once said about me, " You need someone to push you, if not you just slack". True true, I knew it myself, just that I don't bother to do anything about it previously but right now no choice, I need to play the role of the pusher as well to push push push myself on.

I think you all sick and tired of this liao but I'm still signing off this way...

Hong Jiayou! People Hang in there. =) A's in 13 weeks, We'll survive!!!!!!

好对不起自己，这正个星期又是无所事事地度过。今天darldarl约我到图书馆去，我却乘机用自己眼睛有点红肿为借口，拒绝了。结果整天在家看电脑，读故事书，功课，该温习的东西连看都没看到。 Haiz.

时间过得好快，明天又是另一个星期的开始。下星期也是七月份的最后一个星期了。考试的日期每一份每一秒的逼近， 好恐怖啊！如果有人问我 “那一年你觉得是过得最快的？” 我将会回答2006。 如果是去年问我的答案会是2005。 但有人告诉我过，2005年回过得那么快是因为前三个月，大家都是不在乎一切的过日子，但真正开始读书时，一是四月份了。听起来也有一点道理。但今年一开始就是忙碌的，每天都有点不知是怎么过的，为什么会一眨眼有天黑了。

记得小时候，爸妈曾经这么跟我说过，“如果日子过得很快，那就代表日子很容易过，如果难过的话，时间会像是很漫长的。” 想再得我回想一下不完全赞同。不认为现在我很快乐，虽然也不能说很痛苦啦， 只能说有过过更好的日子吧。

今天还有多几个小时，希望吃完了晚餐后， 自己便能定下心来专心做一些功课把。

加油吧大家！为了理想，为了梦！

Seriously I don't know are these days good or bad. Having serious mood swings. One moment I'm thinking that life is meaningless, everyone is just living for the sake of living. But at other times, I believed that the sucky times now is just a passing phase. It will get better eventually! Life is still great! Right now I'm in the confuse state, not sure what's going to happen to me. But one thing that has stayed in my constantly these days is "Hong... You must mug." Even though the future is blurred, I don't know what's ahead, I'm unsure of my own capabilities, I know I still must mug. Mugging might not confirm give me what I hope to achieve, but without mugging it will be worse.

Time for another mugging session in school. Next stop will be WRL. Let's Go muggers!!!!!!!

Things I want to blog are in a mess trying to 'jump out' of my brain. Don't know what to blog first. =X

Life's been going on. Picking up my momentum in studies. Getting over that shooting won't be in my life for the time being. My life for now till 16/11 3.30pm, 1530h will only be study study and more study. Mugging sessions have been quite well till now. I'm trying to get myself to love it. Erm not very sure if I actually succeed. But it feels good to be mugging. However I'm actually very afraid, very. Time is really not enough! What if I can't finish revising, what if I go into the exam hall and don't know all the questions in front of me, what if what if! All the 'what ifs' are scaring me.

Today is exactly one week since the competition. Still remember my disappointment. Read other's who had compete in various competitions. Feel for them. I felt that I'm there as well, then I'll remember my own experience once again. World Cup is also able to do that to me. Ok I know world cup over for quite long le, I abit lag but didn't blog for some reasons. Monday was tired till... well its just horrible. Yesterday was blogging half way get into some arguement with dad in the end the entry was gone. So here to just give some comments.

Italy won, the joy, the happiness on their faces. France lost, the disappointment, the agony they felt. Zidane... his last match, his last world cup, his last time as a captain, he had to be left the field. I've just finish my own last competition in JC, the disappointment that I've failed is already that bad, I bet Zidane felt tons worse. Italy won I think they deserve it, they had played well. The French don't deserve to lose cause they had played as well as Italy. But all of us knew, in life things are not always fair. You not only need skill you nee luck as well. But at the same time you can't blame anyone cause if you're much better, you don't need the luck. So true right! Haha its not by me. =P

Anyway I don't really feel sad for France, I felt sad for Zidane. His last match, his last world cup, his last time as a captain. He don't deserve to be provoke by others. However he become the one who's in the wrong once he resort to violence. Haiz one moment of uncontrolled temper... In fact I think Zidane should just hold his temper finish the match and maybe win it. Get the glory show that guy how good he actually is... and if he still want to 'head' him, he should just go ahead! Haha. At least this way he can finish his last match and can cause both mental and physical pain. Oops am I more evil? =X

Zidane, one of the greatest player in this decade? century? argh never get these few things right. You just fill in your own blanks lar. Back to the topic, despite the 'act of the game' he's still awarded the Golden Ball and its voted by the reporters! Though Fifa is looking into the matter but till now still no news of it right.... (think so)

Ok I'm not blogging anymore... The starting of the entry I mentioned that its one week after my nat com. Tomorrow its the second week liao, which is also the finals! Erm do your maths and you can arrive at the conclusion I used 1 week to type this entry =P though 4/5 of the time its saved as a draft... another 1/5 is I open the entry wanted to finish and post but never able to do it till today. Anyway tomorrow finals... Jiayou and Good Luck to Ken and Faezah... Erm no way they'll see this entry lar but its the thoughts that count =) Bring back our first national trophy! =) nitez peeps

Oh no =( Its only less and one week and I'm missing my dearie lots! Last time still can look forward to meeting it, but now... never. My 901130! =( How to survive days without training...The next time I'll be touching a gun by right will be about exactly one year. And that is if I manage to get into a uni. Haha guess that will be a motivation for me to work hard now.

Now and then I'll still remember about my failure. It still hurts. Academic have only made it worse. There's time, from certain perspective, everything seems to be so wrong. A smile remain on my face but who can see the pain in my heart.Haiz, if you aren't happy, at the least you can provide happiness for others.

想笑　来伪装掉下的眼泪　点点头　承认自己会怕黑
我只求　能借一点的时间来陪　你却连同情都不给
想哭　来试探自己痲痺了没　全世界　好像只有我疲惫
无所谓　反正难过就敷衍　走一回　但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞

Just love this song. It seems to written just for me. =P But well life goes on. Change a perspective, and everything will become better. Sometimes I wonder if this attitude is really good. I started to feel that its an attitude of a loser who can't face failures. Thinking that its over, it no longer matter and forget bout it, isn't it the same as running away? Then why people keep giving it as an advice and at the same time telling us not to run away from troubles / failures? Life is such an irony.

I realise when I'm going through period like this when life is down, I tend to utter things that are contradicting, ironic and most important un-understandable. =S Haha maybe its just reflecting my current life - rubbishful. Change a perspective. It is just like my life hard to understand but in actual fact it has lots of meaningful lessons. It is just how I want to see it bah.

Tonight is the big showdown between Italy and France. Haha don't care I'm going to watch it. 4 years once can't miss it. And guess what. Yesterday, I've bought the Jack and Jill potato chip. First jersey I get... Italy then eat eat eat then see another white packet... its another one! Haha and its France! 2 jerseys in one packet like jin! But I even luckier both finalists in one packet! Perhaps its my luck changing. Planning to start mugging in library after school tomorrow. Erm maybe tuesday since tomorrow might be too tired after world cup. =P

Byez peep. Hope everyone's life is blessed. =) World Cup!!!!!!

I'm sorry my readers... but... I got to say I've screwed up again. Haha should be nothing new to you all lar. Its hong what do you expect. Sorry that I'm being sacarstic. Disappointed. Very. Screw up studies screw up shooting. Hong arh you winner lar. During trainings I get an average of 8.35-8.55 per shot. Personal best of 345. Not very good compared to others. But during competition I perform even worse. Today just get a 326/400 average of 8.15. Big diffrent. and what's worse now is I don't really know what really went wrong. Mentally I feel quite alright but the results prove otherwise.

I feel like saying so many sorry. To myself. Sorry for not being able to perform. To coach. She helped me a lot. If not I think my score this time round will be worse. Thank you for being there. Sorry cause I know she had expected much better from me. To my Team. They've perform up to standard, and for Caren she breaks her personal best once again. I've pulled the team down if not we might have beat a few more schools. And you know what's even more ironic? I'm the one who went to almost every trainings while my team mates seldom do, I'm the one who perform better in trainings. But? haha life has a way of turning things.

However on the better note.... =) We've bagged in quite a no. of medals! Haha. Yes results are not so good... but! We're lucky to be in North Zone. I think that's the 'lousiest' zone lar. Consisting of AJ, IJ, SR and YJ. AJ should be the most experienced in rifle, but their pistols are new, SR new shooting club as well think they're into the second year like us then yj think either first or second year and I think they only have rifle girls. So prizes are given out for team first and second (I think third most prob don't have lar) and individual first second third.

Our medal tally - 4 Gold, 3 Silver, 1 Bronze. =) Pistol girls bag in first second third. With my lousy score also can get third just further prove that north zone is a 'no kick' zone. And of course we're north zone first haha. In national standing we're 6 out of 13 schools. =) At least we're in the upper half... but if I'm just a bit better, we might just get 5 kicking away JJ who's score is 7 point higher. Rifle girls 2/4 losing to AJ by 3 points! But we've an individual gold. Faezah shot 192! Currently second in national together with a HC and NJ, never copy the series so don't know exact ranking. Moving on to final. =) Rifle guys second in zone losing to AJ again. Well AJ more experience rifle club. But we've another finalist, Ken. =) So another gold in zone. Last but not least our pistol guys. They've under perform. Getting similar result as me. Bad. Get a silver in team. If they've shoot as what they had in NUSIS, they'll be far ahead of the current first, SR. But that's shooting this time it might be good but you never know for the next time.

Took some silly pictures again. But bro yet to find the thing! argh. So can't upload again... so till then... And lolz I've become the journalist of IJ shooting team haha cause I'm the one copying all the scores.

刚开始射时，sighters very bad. 教练叫我出去，跟我说了一些话，其中一句是“这是最后一次打national com 了，我不希望你出来跟我说“教练我后悔刚才没打得更好” ”虽然她不希望我说，我还是得说，“教练我后悔了”。 但我也想说“谢谢你的教导，你的鼓励，对不起，我或许辜负了你。”

For now shooting is over, all activities had come to an end, I've to face the music of my results I think I flop all 3 papers. Parents being called down will be inevitable this time round. But right now I don't really care le. All I want to do is mug and mug. I want to enter NUS. Cause there I'll be able to join Air Weapon Club. That's where my coaches will be as well. That's my motivation. 17 weeks left to A's.... I can do it!

Dreams

On this land that we share
Where we build our hopes and dreams
To become the best we can
It’s what life really means
Live our dreams
On this day that we sing
With our hearts beating loud
As our nation comes together
And as one we stand strong and proud
Let our voices rise to the clouds…

I see victory with your unity
I hear happiness in perfect harmony
There is no place that I’d rather be today
Where the spirit shines and runs through you and me (X2)

With our dreams
it’s not a game nor the reason why we came
It’s a nation of dreams, one golden dream

We see victory with your unity
We hear happiness in perfect harmony
There is no place that I’d rather be today
Where the spirit shines and runs through you and me (X2)

There is no place (there is no place!) That I’d rather be today Where the spirit shines and runs through you and me It’s our time (Take your place!) For us to shine (Let us race!) Now is the time to live our dreams…

http://www.teamsingapore.com.sg/publish/etc/medialib/games/manila05/team_singapore_theme.Par.0001.File.mp3

Just like to share this song. Think its a good song to listen before competition or even examinations. =)

Turn ons
Aquarius are friendly and fascinating people. They have in-depth knowledge about various subjects and you can converse with them for hours without getting bored. They are capable of giving a lot of love that can be amazing. They have very broad outlook about life and you can relax in their presence. They will always welcome your ideas and actions about humanitarian causes. To keep an Aquarians lover interested you must possess that mysterious and intriguing quality. Once hooked they will always be very faithful to you.

Turn offs
Do not expect or plan a normal, simple and predictable life with an Aquarius partner. Aquarius people are totally unpredictable. They can go to any direction without giving any advance notice. They are basically very restless and get very easily bored. Though they are very friendly but do not expect them to reveal their inner most feelings to you (they will never). They can be very detached and impersonal that you may find very strange. Do not be surprised by this unpredictable quality that may crop up often

Haha quite true from me arh. Get it from someone's friendster =X haha.

Competition in few hours time. In fact I'm more relaxed now than the past few days and the days before my last few comp. Perhaps I know there's only so much I can do, no point worrying so much... get back my prelim1 results had prove it further. Stop! not going to talk about results for now. In my mind is only my gun and the target... whatever score I get tomorrow will be it lar. =) No world cup for me for today =P Siew Peng and Mr Lee (esp. coach haha) are like "don't watch world cup arh! tomorrow see who 'black eyes' will get it arh." Lolz then she also mention that world cup still got next round, tomorrow's com is the last national school shoot le. Just remind me of Ms tan telling the class not to watch soccer and never study, then me classmate Sandesh told her..." World Cup 4 times once, A level every year also have." -_-

Took several photos using bro's phone (haha 'steal' over to use for a few days)... will post up at a later time, cause me bro can't find the things required for me to upload! Anyway the range kitten become babykitten liao. It shrinks and change colour! Haha. A new kitten lar. But the range kitten is not found, only the baby kitty there. Its really very small... perhaps a bit bigger than my palm only... and you know my palm not big lar. So yar its very small... cute! Haha. I think I'm slowly overcoming my fear of cats and dogs. Haha but must be specific ones, dogs must be those dogs that don't really bark. Haha get me a mute dog =P no lar, must be guai one. Then cats for now kittens bah. I can stand just right next to the baby kitten lor =P Improvements right! =) Haha...

Wah I really talking lots of nonsense... keke enough =) still have somethings to do and need to sleep early... so nitez pple =) Good Luck Hong. Good Luck IJ Shooting Team! Going all out! Jiayou!!!!!!!!

Instructions:1. Do the following without complaints.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you have completed yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's TagBoard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!"
then do this.

Current...
Mood: Sianz - sch starting tomorrow =(
Taste: Spicy?
Clothes: t-shirt, shorts
Desktop: my 2 baby kissing =P
Toenail colour: the colour it should be
Time: 11:16 PMS
Surroundings: My messy study table
Annoyance: official start of term 3
Thoughts: time is passing too fast, more than half of the year is gone... I want to perform in both studies and shooting....

First...
Best Friend: Wen Bin... since 92... wah 14 yrs liao
Crush: someone...
Music: How can I possibly noe?! erm... my mom's stomach growling? haha

Last...
Cigarette: there's no first to begin with. NEVER!
Drink: Plain water. Healthy =)
Crush: long long ago...
GroupMovie: Yours Mine and Ours (I've no life! tt's so long ago =X)
call: Mom? I don't think I've made any call today leh.
CD played: cao cao - JJ ? Aiyo listen to mp3 nv play cd lor.
Song played: tian tang - guang liang

Have you ever...
Dated one of your best friends: No
Broken the law: jaywalking? yes
Been arrested: No
Been on TV: not sure think so.
Kissed someone you dont know: no

5 things you are wearing: Spects, T-shirt, shorts, and... haha... and my blanket on me counted?
4 things you did today: go sing karaoke with mazi and jin, blogged, played neopets =P, stone
3 things you can hear right now: yes 933, mrt passing by, my typing
1 thing you do when you are bored: Sleep

hmm... now's the hardest part... tagging pple =X

Term 3 is starting officially tomorrow. At least for me. Argh I don't want! I'll be physically there tomorrow but mentally I'll be half gone. I promise myself till after Wednesday, after competition.

Yup. All my mind is filled with the upcoming competition. I might not be at my physical best (my right elbow is not healing as well as I hope it will be. Haha coach will scold me if she know I never go see doc even though its not healing well.), but I hope to be at my mental best.

Thinking back this comp, my last in JC life is so diffrent from my first comp, NUSIS 05. First comp is really heck care cause its at the mentality that we're only there to gain experience , sure can't win with only few months of practices. I'm just back home from P5 camp few hours before the comp. Tired and totally unfocus. Reached the range few minutes before preparation time, frantic, chiong around. Shooting start, then we're not using our own gun, using SAFRA one, though coach Wenwei had thought us how to use the day before, panicky me just can't operate it, raise hand for help. When really started my competition shots, things just doesn't go right zero here zero there still can't make it, then compress air leak. Go out pump, coach Siew Peng talked to me, made me realised I've zero the wrong side! In one word its pathetic. This time round I hope nothing like this happen... of course not!

Yay! Just recieved message there's training tomorrow!!! Haha. Last training... How life will be after that? Can't imagine. But at least there's a last chance to be at the range, to see the 'range kitten' haha that's a kitten that loiter outside the range, even though erm.. haha its my 'best friend'. Crappers esp. darl darl will know. =P Haha maybe I'll even bring my cam and take some photos. =P They'll think I crazy arh.

That's all for now. =)

Beckham is stepping down from his responsibility as England's captain, that's the next captain's retirement after Zidane, France's captain. Well quite sad lar, though its kinda expected. Beckham is already 31 that's about the end of a soccer player. Like what me and jin are discussing this afternoon. The 'lifespan' of a soccer player is very short (Though now I think it applies to almost all sportsmen) 20+ is their peak years. Get discovered before 20, gained experience, 20+ excel earn as much glory and money, 30+ retirement, or perhaps stay on but performance might not be as great as before. But like jin say, they've earn enough quite true lar. Well anyway quoted [Zidane also alluded to the physical rigours of top-flight football on an ageing body.
"I didn't want to go on for another year. The past two years I haven't been on top form and that's no good when you play at a club like Real.
"I'm at an age when it's more and more difficult (to play) every year. I don't want to spend another year like last year or even the last two years."]

Yesterday's second match is really a great one as well. I think its one of the best match played so far. Both teams played with great skills and sportsmanship. Well except the part where Ronaldo fake being tripped to get a free kick. But well perhaps he's just too anxious to score. No doubt they are the champs for WC'02 and WC'98. When the last whistle was blown, hugs are being exchanged. France consoled their opponents who had given a tough fight. Brazilians congrats the French on their win. It's a nice sight. This is what real sport should be.

Some pics.

A tribute to 2 great Captains.


That's what sports is all about - Sportsmanship.

Haiz. England lost on penalty. I'll say luck not on their side. Just like Argentina bah. Well I'm not an England fan but should be count as supporter bah. I think both England and Argentina are better in skills compared to Portugal and Germany. Well personal views. England with 10 men yet able to sustain till the end, and esp. with Beckham out at 52 min. And Rooney.... Argh Rooney... don't want play just change someone else in lar, don't need to get a red card to get out lor. Give the opponent a handicap. Haha never a Rooney fan, hot tempered and I don't really think he's a good player. So what he had made a few goals, he's the striker people keep passing the ball to him. Out of the many tries sure got some will goal what. Not as if defenders who tackle and block possible goals get as much compliments and attention. Think after this match both the coach Eriksson and captain Beckham will face harsh critics again. The foreign coach and Beckham seem to be the favourite scapegoats of the media. I think people often remember the bad things and seldom remember the glory. Personally I think Beckham is a good captain. At least on the field he keeps his cool and play his part be it attack, defend or free kick. Yup.

Lolz actually I feel weird commenting about soccer. I'm not crazy over any team or what so ever. Never really go search about team info and etc. I'm just someone who like to watch a good match being played. So... if I said anything that's not true or if you don't agree on perhaps just treat it as Hong crapping bah.

Well back to my life. Boring =P. Have an entry saved as draft yet to complete. See when have mood then finish and post bah. =) Byez. =)