This week had been a busy week but not blogging bout it now, come back tomorrow for it. =P For now I'm going to talk more about my bad bad studies so if you're kinda sick of it now, you're excuse from continuing. Well warning... the following paragraphs might be quite demoralising.
I've given daddy to sign my pathetic OFF result slip few minutes ago. I thought that it will be horrible, daddy will start scolding and etc. Instead... he just sign. Then when I go out again, he asked me where will I go if I fail my A's? Poly? Retake? I replied I don't want to think about it, i'll just do what I can and see how if I had to consider eventually. I hope it will never happen though. But in actual fact I've been thinking about the question.
I'm afraid. I feel like giving up. I always thought if I mug hard I'll eventually catch up. However things are proven not to be so easy. I studied to what I think not bad for Inorganic chem, I still fail. I thought I'll be able to handle maths stats, but Maths mock stats test I've mess up again. And I think when you've lose your own confidence, you'll start to feel that everyone had lost hope on you. That's what I feel, I felt that the teachers had accepted the fact that I can't make it.
I know I'm not suppose to give up at time like this. Mr Ang had said that for lots of times - not to give up. Well I'm not giving up no matter how much I've wanted to. I've already paid the examination fees, might as well just try my best, try my luck, who knows miracles might actually occurs right. Haha. You know... I feel that I'm like decieving myself, trying to blind myself to the reality. And this time its actually something good. Ironic har.
I can't give up. There's too many people I'll disappoint if I do, even if they've actually prepare for the worst for my results. I won't be able to forgive myself. If I really can't make it.. No no I'm not thinking about it.
Come next March... I know no matter what I'll not cry in school but come home sure will one haha but I hope that it'll be tears of joy and nothing else. I pray hard.
