I feel like a big idiot? Some sort. Never sleep for the whole night yar since my last entry till now. Meeting WenJie in 40 mins time. Half dead. In case you didn't know the previous night I sleep at 2 wake up at 6.30am to pass things to jenny... then today/yesterday night I never sleep... and off I go to chalet... lala I go chalet pay $ sleep lar. Haha. (ku xiao)

I feel like a big idiot due to the reason I didn't sleep. Am trying to do a videoclip for the class to show at the chalet. Well had the idea long time ago. But being hong till the last min then I start work. I manage to complete the thing... But (in situation like that there's always a BUT) few minutes ago when I tried burning the cd.... it failed! For some reason that I can't solve lar! So I stay up the whole night... finish the clip... for nothing lar!!! Idiot. Me! Nothing better to do lar. Always go find xtra work for myself.

Remembering 2 yrs ago... for Crappers Christmas present tt cd... I do until wanna die le. At that time I promised that I never gonna do this type of things for present anymore! This time I thought that just a short videoclip shouldn't be too hard lar. But a 10mins clip I took 1 night to do lor... =S Ok lar I know I slow... but still need select photos then add in some words... kinda tedious.... and if got result still ok... now is the only person who can see the clip is me! unless I bring my laptop along arh... duh -_-.

Headache... literally. Later take mrt to pasir ris gonna sleep like nobody's buisness arh =X Silly hong what are you thinking? Thinking to wow others with your effort to do something for them? What are you trying to do? In fact I dunno... I just hope to do something that is memoriable for all. Now really very memoriable lar... for being so... I just can't find the word... Heck lar. Remind me not to do this type of silly things again... esp. at the expense of my sleep! Without sufficient sleep, I can predict I'm going to be very easily irritated... Argh!

Today have been a nice day till 2hrs ago bah. Today is one of the major occassions of my family. Hard to explain but to cut it short its a family gathering... Had fun. =) Ah ma house is near chaos with the 6 brats. My 3 cousins and 3 neices and nephew. Looking at them, it reminds me of me and my 2 cousins and my bro. We're at the same age so we grow up together. Once we're so close... very. But now me and my cousins had grown apart. So much so that sometimes I feel that we're somehow like strangers. Sad to think about it. But well I'm glad and happy that I've such a big close knitted family.

However about 2hr ago... suddenly I felt that everyhing seems to go all wrong. Tomorrow class chalet. 1st night bbq night. And I... haiz forget to inform the teachers. Oh great! Well we did inform mr ang when I booked the chalet... he said he will inform the other teachers... But that's so long ago... and knowing mr ang he most prob forgotten about it... And I only realise that we have not officially inform the other teachers about 1 hr ago. Its so late the teachers will only be inform tomorrow... and with 1 day notice I doubt they can make it and it just shows our insincerity. Oh well. Totally hate my forgetfulness and carelessness. To me, its a failure on my part. The teachers might or might not come back inviting them early is a show of respect and a sign of appreciation we have for them. This might be the last time the class get togethers and maybe the teachers presence (if we invited them early). To me, its my responsibility and any failure on my part I can't escape my own critical opinions. Haha. Remind me of a personality quiz I did... very very true... I'm a very critical person. Who not only have opinions with others but also even harsher views on myself. Perhaps that's why I'm so unhappy sometimes.

Oh yar this is not the only thing that 'made my night'. When I'm already sad sad sad about not informing teachers, I recieved the info that me and jes are separated for topo. Jes will be going for ubin, I'll be in mainland. Argh. Actually it should be ok but this time round the circumstances are very diffrent. 1st thing... I agreed to go for topo becoz of jes. I persuaded my mom to allow me to go coz its actually my close relative's wedding that I'm suppose to be there. But coz of jes... Then now... haiz... who knows maybe all of a sudden mom insist that I go for the wedding... Haha then wad sia? Somemore topo recee afternoon on 2 dec. Actually is morning coz I hope that at least it will end by early afternoon... Heard from here and there that M45 having outing on 2 dec. Well though I'm not officially told... maybe its just a private outing that I'm not 'involve' but well... I still hope to keep it free on 2 dec just in case there's really an outing... and i'll like to go... M45 peeps is the group of pple whom I spent one of my best memories in this 2 yrs with. I hope to stay in touch... But oh well...

Everything seems so sucky. Actually typing these things I feel so lolz. Childish... So silly. But yet I'm sad over these minor things. Guess its really in me can't help it to think too much. There's always too much what if in my mind... Too bothered about what others will think. I wonder... will there ever come a day I'm no longer bothered about others and live my life just as I like. I doubt so. I'm too easily affected. But this entry last entry I've realised that I've been writing more about my feelings... with more ease... perhaps this is the first step....

Life these days are spent slacking. Don't want to think about things yet. People have been looking for jobs going for interviews.... Well... I've yet ask for any jobs, just looking around... Schedule is booked quite full till mid dec. So plan to only get a job then. By then my money will be totally drain out =X.

With no studies as the main focus, many other concerns creep into my mind with no reasons/excuses to push it out. Events that I don't want to think about... things that I don't want to be bothered enter into my life again. Fustrating in a way.

Sometimes I really feel that I don't understand people. Perhaps I'm too weird in someways and I expect others to be the same. I think I care too much about things... every small little things can bother me to a large extent. I'm abit too 'responsible' till the extent that I'll get troubled over things that does not even concern me directly. I'm too committed in too many things. Every group, any things, people that I've know even if not very close to, I'll feel attached. Then I'll start getting irritated with others who can't be bother, people who no longer feel the attachment and etc. from time to time. In fact, I understand it. Actually I think they're the normal one... I'm the weirdo. =P

People always say... "I hate hypocrites" But what are hypocrites? People who think in one way but act in another way? In actual fact, who's not a hypocrite in one way or another? If everyone speaks the truth, even if its not meant to be spoken, won't there be fights, wars everywhere? Just imagine classmates being unfriendly to each other cause they don't really like the other person, a hostile class it will be. If trying to be 'friends' with your enemies is being a hypocrite, then why diplomacy exist?

To me... Being friendly to someone you don't really like, doing things that you might not agree but are asked to are not being a hypocrite. Its call compromising isn't it. Things don't always go according to our wishes, we can't always work with friends, as a person, we learn to step back and give way now and then. What is important is that one don't become a backstabber. It is one thing to be a 'hypocrite' and another issue when one become a backstabber. I feel that there are several types of hypocrites. One who compromise for the good of all, and another one who will appear to be friendly not to compromise but to get things to gossip and hurt others.

Blah... not sure what am I talking about. Thoughts totally jumble up these days. Just like my room... in a huge mess, perhaps it reflects my life as well. I totally don't know why am I so pessimistic even though there's no exam stress or what so ever. Argh... dun bother. That's life man.

It's over. What's over? Depends on how you view it. A level is over. The struggle is over. My future might be over. Now its like, everything's fixed, it can't be change anymore, even if I want to.

Well today is a day of relief, yet at the same time its a depress day for me. Since yesterday night lots of things just appear in my mind. Some old memories that had been thrown to the back of my surfaced, lots of future worries entered.

The last few weeks I totally didn't blog. Not that I'm so hardworking and didn't come online... I'm still online everyday for about 1 hr, just that I told myself not to blog , well there's nothing much to blog anyway... =X I won't want to talk about the past anymore. Come next year when you ask me how is it, if I reply that its bad, plz don't ask how bad k. =X Till then, I'll live my life to the fullest.

Haha. One interesting about this exam is how suddenly you all think I can predict the questions arh. So much so that I'm having fun predicting. Haha. Well if I so pro I can go sell exam papers le. =P But sometimes fate and destiny seems so real till the point of it being scary. GP was just a lucky guess after seeing several schools have that as Prelim and I have a feeling that it will be something similar. However I think physics paper 2 then is the scary one. Physics paper 2 is in the afternoon. So in the morning I'm doing 04 paper 1 and 2. After finishing paper 1, I took a toilet break and when I came back I started doing paper 2. Halfway through I feel the questions a bit awkard, the way they ask it and all that seems diffrent. Then I realise that its June 04 I'm doing for paper 2 fustrated then cause not much time le. So go the Nov 04 and start doing over again. Finish mark my ans for nov paper but didn't have time for june paper though I've thought of marking it. So come the actual papers. Paper 2 06 Nov Qn 1 its almost the question on 04 June paper! I totally stunned ok! Few hours ago I'm staring at a question that resembles it 95% And I didn't mark it, and its one of the question I'm not sure how to do. Its also the question I do halfway and realise I'm at the wrong paper. Scary. Very. So what if I've done it before?! I still don't know how to do. Fate. Like Jin said I'm just so close to getting the ans. Perhaps its the way beings up there are playing "Fate and Destiny" with me. The coincidence is a bit scary. What does this shows? I'm not pyschic lar! Haha pengz.

Today is the last time we'll be wearing our school U. Well though I think I still have some chance due to some event. But well for most of us its the last. ok I'm not sure what am I driving at... being a bit sentimental. Perhaps being the pioneer batch made us more attached. From a place that's less than half built to the building it is today, from the orientation by the teachers... so coincidentally led by my dear CT haha. How S45 mark several 'first' We're the first class in the whole IJC history to win the Chinese New Year Competition. Haha. First year wad =P We won the Fist Brainest Class Award. And the First to win it 2 rounds running =P. We're the First to intiatie an Oversea COP trip. I bet we're the first to celebrate a teacher's bday in the staff room. Haha. And I believe we're the first class to have so many first! =) 05S45! =)

Thinking what job should I get... Retail/Sales? Admin? Banquet? Tuition? Haiz. Actually don't really want to commit to long working hours. Like flexible times. Giving tuitions is attractive. Good $ plus more flexible time. But... do I have the ability to teach? Primary school and maybe Lower Sec can lar. But the students and parents see my result then siam liao arh. lolz. Banquet also quite flexi according to kim... but she also say quite tiring arh. But I think quite interesting so see how lor... Plus if do banquet also can give tuition since its flexi hours... On the other hand, admin work will help me see wad's working world like.... though I think I won't like it well.... too restrictive... See how see how bah...

So for now till I get a job will be enjoy! Though I seriously need a job fast... no $ le! Haha. Okies tt's all for now... Byez. =)