Right now I'm still doing my 300 essay for ntu. =S Can imagine people screaming in the background "Hong! You still have not submit?!" Haiz. Very hard leh the essay. Call me to write bout M45, my feeling for it in 300 words.... aiz challenging.

Oh and last entry halfway done decided to sleep... tt day went back to innova collect cert.. Innova say small also not that small, but I actually met ms lee at the office. Guess its fated. I tried to avoid her after I get my result. Even though she's just standing being Mr Ang when he passed me the cert, I didn't look up. The guilt I felt towards her is a lot. I felt I totally let her down coz if you ask me which subject I felt that I've not put in enough effort it will be maths I think.

For physics I felt that I've done what I can, result is damn disappointing I know I can do much better but I've tried what I can during that period of time. If I need to feel that I've let someone down for physics it won't be mr ang, it'll be myself. I 'suffered' so much under Mrs Lim, ace it in O level yet I didn't do justice for myself in JC. I hate myself for it. And perhaps sorry to Mrs Lim that I forget the teaching, the spirit she gave me for physics.

For Chem... I sux at it since sec 3. Come to JC my chem suffered badly. Don't understand lots of things. But at least during the last few months I pia and pia... The grade I get I know that's about what's my standard. At least I've tried and approach Ms Tan during the break...

For Maths... I love maths in primary school love it. Enjoy it in lower sec. Eventually hating it in upper sec till I get my private tutor then I start understanding and things get better. Teacher and teaching methods played an important part. JC.... Ms lee is a strict maths teacher but slowly she showed her concern and such. And her teaching is great. This time round the fault lies in me. Slack only try working hard during exams. Insufficient pract leading to mental blocks during exams. Often see the disapointment and corncern in Ms Lee whenever I fail horribly. She told me to look for her during study break. I wanted to really. But I don't know why I never set any time with her. Think the main reason I felt so sorry is coz I never tried to improve during the last few weeks though ms lee is there to help me. Especially when I'm consulting Ms Tan and Ms lee walk pass =X Feel damn guilty. Haiz.

This time round, went back to school and saw her, most prob the last time I'll see her in Innova since she's leaving soon... (another reason I felt sorry is that I'm most prob 1 of those student she tried so hard to teach yet see no result and decided to leave...) She pause for a moment when I called "Ms Lee"... thought she dunno who I am le. =X Lucky she still go" Ai Hong Jin what you doing here" Then coz its going to rain, she call me faster go. I replied "ya...Thanks"
After that I keep thinking... why I said thanks? don't really fit the context. Thanks for the concern? Or thanks for everything in the 2 yrs? I think both bah.

Haha... never thought I'm going to do an evaluation on my results, but 1 visit to the school cause me to evaluate so much. Haiz looking forward... pray hard that I'm call up for interview bah... =) and still first thing I must submit for the uni first... now only done and completed NUS de lor =X haiz...

Right now I'm feeling "I'm so gonna die". I'm still struggling with the 2000 oh well I just realise its characters not words for NUS admission. (Now... is that a good thing or not? =S) And I've yet to get the permission of those who I want to put down as my contact person. A leapord never change its spot. Ah hong never change her last minutes work. =X NUS admission deadline stated as 1 April is decieving. Coz by 1 April they're suppose to recieve all documents and payments which all require 3 working days. Since 1 April is a Sunday, count 3 working days would be Friday, Thursday, Wednesday. So today I must chiong out everything lor. Ok at least now I got 2 contact's permission liao.

Today took half day off to get my testimonial from school... Mr Ang away for camp lor -_- in the end someone else sign for him... hmm... On the walk there, its the nostalgic feelings again... seeing pple coming out of school and all that. Not sure if I can enter through back gate... so i walk all the way to the front gate. Sweating badly by the time I reached there. o.0 Get my testimonial. Quite disappointing. I expected something more. Instead I read through I felt that if I'm the interviewer/selector or whatever they're called, I'll feel that these things seems to be crap up to make this canidate look good. In actual fact she's most prob not like that. Or another view will be whoever who wrote this don't really know this canidate well enough to substantiate her content. Cos Mr Ang edited the testimonial we wrote for ourselves and some parts had been improve but some are totally gone. My SJAB part is an understatement to what I've been doing, Ang summarise too much le. Then the CO part is totally gone... My CCA part from 3 cca become 2... haiz.

Yay just recieve the last permission for the contact person! =) My 3 contacts : Sir Poh Thiam, Ma'am Quek and Mr Kelvin Sim for my position in Zone Committee, involvement in Corp committee and M45. Thanks lots! =) Now is my turn to Chiong for my erm 2000 characters for NUS and 300 words essay for NTU.

Had actually gave up the idea of blogging tonight again, but after reading a classmate's entry got the feel to come here and comment about some stuff.

First thing first I've not applied for uni. I need non-academic records and its like one huge mess that i've yet to totally sort out. Work's busy. SJ starting to get busy as well. But most importantly is coz I've not really been enthu about sorting it out. Yes I want to get into uni by hook or by crook! But sometimes I just want to push all these problems to the back of my mind... wadever. I just pray hard that things will be ok.

Life kind of boring other than SJ stuff to spice it up now and then. Class gatherings had decrease significantly, guys in army, girls working. Still manage to meet up last thurs for treat to Minds Cafe by Ang. Fun... yes but many things had change. I felt a bit out of place that day. My outing partners are now together... and I've confirmed my suspicions that day as well that there's another couple in our class. Hmm... went to dinner with kim kel and chong before meeting mr ang then walking over to boat quay to meet sandesh and elaine. Dinner was... feel so bright lar. Then after kim slip of mouth that they're together as well... i felt even brighter at minds cafe sitting in between kim and elaine with sandesh and kel beside them respectively. Sitting elsewhere will make things worse I think coz the three of us normally sticks in class outings since the rest are all guys. lolz actually is I think too much lar haha can see kim and kel trying to make me feel ok.... lolz keep asking me to talk lor -_-" and kim keep shooting me weird looks that goes... hmmm... lolz

Then I thought Mr Ang like not surprise by any of affections shown... then when we're required to pair up he pair the couples and said 'By default' lolz. Only till just now when I read someone's blog then arh... he just act calm only haha.

Hmm... I also not very sure what am I typing in the last few para. wadever 2am le... but still dunno y i type in some chim indirect way with codes here and there. I dun think there's any S45 pple reading this... but Hey! if you're actually reading this make your presence known at least bah... just in case one day you come up to me and said something I've wrote here and shock me till heart attack on the spot lor.... -_- yar as if... thinking of it... I also secretly reading some pple's blog not making my presence known =P yet...

kk need to sleep le if not you'll see more nonsense coming out...

Viviamo! We live... haha new learn italian word and according to ms candy tan it'll soon be our signing off phrase. And FYI Vivo stands for I live. So you want to cont' living go VivoCity more often bah.... =P

Can't believe its been one week. Up till now I've not felt anything for it. I've thrown it to the back of my mind and whenever I think of it, my mind becomes blank. Wah... nvm.

I dunno where to go from here... I'll just register as usual... on top of that will be indicating that I'll like to be considered for discretionary admission. But... I think this I think that but in fact I'm not sure if anything will come out of it. My records seems to be so insignificant compared to others who represented state, who represented school at national or even international level and winning something. So... do I still have a chance.

These days I'm no longer thinking (at least I feel so), I'm just going through the days. Wake up work home play sleep. And the cycle continues. Then at times I dream. Daydreaming of future. I won't call it planning for my future cause most of the time in my 'dreams' I assumed the best happened. I'm still afraid to think otherwise.

Perhaps Zoe and Wenjie are right... I'm not that ok bah... The 2 of them actually ask me 'Are you Ok?' today and yesterday haha. Of course I'm ok... ain't I? I'm not even sad about my result. What can be wrong man... I dunno....

Hope to go back to chiangmai soon... plans on the way...

Its been a long time since last blog. And I'll think that it will be a long time for my next entry. Time check right now its 2.28am 2/3/2007. Don't really plan on sleeping. Its like a countdown till my life change. I don't really want to watse my last few hrs of happiness on sleeping. Let me just give me a summary of my life bah. =) haha read on if u're interested. =P

I'll just start off with today since its still clear in my mind. Currently I'm watching the first season first episode of... Charm! ya tt tv series. And I've just finished watching Harry Potter's first movie. Haha... just borrowed them from library. Minds Cafe with the class was cancelled. Pple backing up as the time draws near... I can understand though... I'm not very up to playing games but I just want to hang around and talk... but well most of them not up to it. Wad's interesting is that later into the night 9+ to 10pm... pple start calling and ask are we still out and want to join us -_- the thing is its been cancelled so ya.... Think we're all feeling empty and aimless...

Even we didn't meet up I stay out that evening. Reached home at 10pm. Just don't feel like coming home after work. I just wanna... I also dunno where I wanna go then. Took the shuttle bus from work to citiyhall. Decided to go library... at first thinking of national library... but seems that must work a long way then remember esplanade like have a library as well... and then the urge to go esplanade just increase... lots of S45 memories just rush to me. As I walk to Esplanade thoughts of the past future flew in and out of me... Overwhelming. Kinda emotional today. One moment I thought of something and smile next moment another thought came and i've got the urge to let tears flow... no lar I didn't cry lar... -_-" Anyway reached esplanade's library. My first time there... I know i su ku lar... and I love it... lots of movies musics books base on movies and etc. I should have been there long time ago man... As I left went up to the roof terrace another place with lots of memories but then its raining ligtly so just go up and left. Haiz wanna stay there longer... Came home... and you know wad... my wristband the one mr ang gave and I mostly wore it.... its gone... like magic... poof gone! Is it coincidence or wad man. Not that I want to be supertitious lor but these things really always happens to me =S I think its in office though... I hope it is. Tomorrow if you can't contact me means I can't make it. If I tell you ok lor means I'm still able to make it to some courses. Don't ask too much bah.

Ok enough about today tomorrow... Let's go way back...

Right now its 3.47am. Think I'm going to sleep afterall... lolz. nitez and i'll continue tml after I wake up... nitez... or good morning...

Time check. 12.53pm 2/3/2007
Few more hours. Damn. Don't think I'll be able to chiong finish my long recap of the good life b4 results... perhaps i'll just post pics with captions... Forget about it lar... load pic so long -_- no mood le... wait till I'm out of depression then blog again bah. Bye.