if yesterday's mood while posting the entry was known as the optimistic me, now shall be the unsure... troubled me.

dunno... dunno... some acts, some very very small things just bug me and I dunno... thoughts just fly around...

Trust and Believe... psycho psycho myself and then i'll rebut myself that its just a lie to an wei myself. if its me yesterday night... I'll say... "yes it might be only to comfort myself... its wad that had keep me sane..." haiz

okok... i shall trust and believe. things happen for a reason. if i'm meant to know i'll know eventually... shouldn't worry so much... okok shall sleep lar...

night =)

wah... my entries are getting longer and longer =X lol

Time just seems to fly past every week... we're already into the 3 week of july moving on to Aug which is like 70% mark of 2009. Last entry was posted last week... but it seemed to be so long ago... hmm... but at the same time its a long week.

Read the entry 2 posts earlier...
"but we have to learn... we learn, we experience... and hope that one day we'll reach enlightenment..."
Life is all about learning, not only learning as in studies but learning to survive in this world... learning to be better person... learning to make this world a better place, make this life a better one... learning to treasure, to appreciate, to be thankful... and so many many more...

All things happened for a reason... to help us learn... the reason is there... just if we see it or not. and even if we see it... whether we want to accept it or not...
so don't fret... what can't kill us only makes us stronger...

Have a little faith... if god brings us to it, he will bring us through it. when life closes a door on you, an open window will be build somewhere for you... we just have to be strong and find it... doing nothing and not helping yourself, god won't point the exit for you too...

How close?... a question that often comes to mind now and then in different forms... always just buried it away... afraid to know perhaps... this time round I manage to figure out though... somehow. perhaps its just a thought to an wei zi ji... but well... i'll like to believe bah....

Touch your heart, look into your heart. How close you see us together in your heart, in your mind, is how close we are.

Yes its one sided. We will only see how close others are to us. won't be able to see how close We are to others... but well.. it don't really matter isn't it. Yes... it will be comforting to know if others feel the same way, but if they are dearly close to you... even if you know you're not their closest, doubt it will change anything. coz you'll still be there with them, for them... keeping them close to you.

everyone got their group of close ones... i always know that i'm never at the top... guess tt there's always others who are closer... perhaps I somewhere further further away...
but well i believed i'm already blessed that when i touch my heart and look into it.... i just know my closest ones. doesn't matter wad am i to them... i know how close they're to me... its good enough =)

hmm... does it ans the question of how close? ai... dunno. lol...

i'm getting cranky and words seems not to link le... =X seems to happen often these days... can't explain/ express myself... or type things that end up being interpreted wrongly =X is this signs and symptoms of any illness or sickness.. =S

just another random tot before i kick myself away from the com and sleep...

visualize our heart and our dear friends inside it (i believe family is on a different scale ba)... you see the one(s) deep in the center... then some close ones but not the closest... and slowly spread out... further and further away... that's the 'how close' meter...
then you'll see some are distinctly obvious while some have already fade off... those were the friends that we're once close with... as time pass... contact became lesser... what's left were the memories... but perhaps if anything happens.... you'll still be there for them... coz they still remain in your heart.

if you see ur heart filled with lots of faces, lots of names... doesn't matter if they're distinct or just faded shadows... be thankful... coz you're blessed for your heart is filled with friends and love.

my heart... i see many fading slowly.. me bad... have not been catching up with many of them... fortunately facebook still keeps them and me updated haha...
Deep in the center, the closest ones... different from others before... perhaps its wad we've went through together... those memories that we are still building together... =) you 2 are special.

omg i really should get lost... getting giddy already... =X I doubt many will be able to understand the whole chunck of nonsense i've type =P doesn't matter... meant for myself only lar... goodnight pple!

school had officially started for me...
and some things are slowly coming to an end...

世上无不散之宴席...

things in life are to an end eventually...

our own life included... it all only depends if it comes slow or fast... lol
life ends whenever it likes... it just remind me to treasure treasure and treasure whatever i have...

been looking through those old albums on facebook, in my hard disk, reading old blog entries and even tagboard tags these days... great great memories... miss it... lots lots.

but i'm thankful that technology allowed us to store and keep these memories for us to look through now and then... like my status in facebook "what we now from those days are memories... and at the same time... we are building new memories."
we have a whole lifetime of memories to keep... a whole lifetime to build more memories...

but well... a lifetime... we won't know when its gonna end...

haha.. hmm... on sunday 12 July. A chapter of 2009 was being closed...

The three of us eventually broke the news to them... We officially announced that NFAC will be canceled to the teams...
today 14 July is the exact 4 months since the start of NFAC. (Briefing was on 14 March)
A learning journey, an experience for both the trainees and the trainers. not an easy one... but we've come thus far.
don't really know what went through all their minds when we told them the news... sadness, regret, or happiness for some?
But no matter with the competition, or without, we had seen them grow... from a bunch of monkeys... (erm though they're still a bunch of monkeys =X) to a better bunch of monkeys bah =P
can see the hard work and sweat put in by them... and i guess our hard work they can see too... with all our efforts... I'm glad we had build a new album for our memories...

soon... 9 aug is coming... then it will mark another closure...
haiz and then our sat and sun will be empty... and oh well... I guessed it will be filled with lots of mugging =X

well well... I shall count my blessings =) coz though things end one by one... those by my side will still be around to start things one by one for us to look forward to and build new memories... even when we're doing horrible mugging... its still dear (though horrible) memories to me =)

soon it will be those late nights on sat and sun... still in hq zone room not for trainings but for mugging... in smu, still mugging... in starbucks/coffee bean not for coffee but for more mugging... and as we packed our things and think wad's for dinner... we start to emo together... haha...
truthfully speaking... as i recall those days... its argh and haiz... and it seems to be coming soon soon =(

kk... i shall think tt after tt, it will be ncoc with the rainbows =) hopefully chalet and many many more activities!!! =D

i'm like talking in bits and pieces in these entries... talk abit here talk abit there... haha not focus =X and somehow it ended up so long and so late =X
shall sleep... good nitez!~~

haiz...
dunno dunno dunno.... just dunno...

when where what...

as we grow... we learn things...
but learning doesn't necessary makes things easier... the more we learn, the more complicated things get at times...

but we have to learn... we learn, we experience... and hope that one day we'll reach enlightenment...

its one of those nights... yup again...
seems like whenever i blog, its always one of those nights lol...

somethings wrong.. can't pinpoint it out... or perhaps i know somewhere somehow but i just want to runaway from it... since i can't seems to hide from it... hopes it just goes away...