Sunday, January 31, 2010
~ 1:30 AM ~
Another round of email reading... and though I know if I passed the docs. to some others, they might felt that they're not good enough... But having read through their last few proposals, I will like to give them a round of applause and say... "WELL DONE!" though there's still many room for improvements.. I see their effort. esp knowing how hard it is for them to put all their thoughts down in words... in English words lol. =) kids... haha.
finally 'ironed' my hair... not bad! have enjoyed a day of walking around... shop abit... =)
tml gonna meet up with the new ex-temps. tg and gang...
a nice weekend before the start of 2 horror weeks of sch... =X
Friday, January 29, 2010
~ 11:55 PM ~
Tired tired... =X though never go to school again this morning... =S bad.
Haiz hopefully can just fall asleep once i hit the bed later and not like yesterday...
Turned and tossed in the bed for 3hrs before falling asleep. nearly wanted to take piriton... But cannot lar! always scold sw when she take to sleep. lol.
though tired... its a good day =) getting the joy and happiness from them...
hope our new batch of moomoo yr 1s will be able to cont bring such joy to us and motivate us to come back in years to come...
ViviAmo! we live...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
~ 11:17 PM ~
"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by some sadness." - Carl Jung
True True... only when you experience another extreme then you'll truly understand things.
lol though I'm grumpy and argh! in the last entry... I know that I'm not sad, I'm not unhappy... coz I know there's still blessings in my life...
Sadness.. real down to the pit... you can find me there in those entries not so far away..
I remembered seeing a quote that says "You might not always be happy, but knowing what is happiness, perhaps is a blessing too." yup... I'm glad that I do know what's it...
Stay. a. s. and Truly Happy..
Have faith and you'll have it.
Trust and Believe and miracles do happen.
~ 9:04 PM ~
Today is one of the "after-effect-of-sleeping-late-horribly-tired" day.
been yawning non-stop since 1945h.
Wanted to take an afternoon nap... but argh.. remembered I'm suppose to do up the slides for agm.. one of the last few things that I said I'll do. at least its one more down. 2 more R to clear for this year.
Lucky that meeting was canceled. but haiz there's still got a long email to reply to... and things to settle. argh!
Next 2 weeks will get even busier with 4 days of lesson each week...and all the 'haven' done stuff I've mentioned in my previous post.. argh! its not even the time of the month and I'm so grumpy le =/
must set things for myself to look forward to... hopefully student portal post up all the tests and due dates soon... then i'll be able to look forward to march? if not it will be june/ july for mount k? it all seems so faraway...
$ is depleting fast these days with all the birthdays once again... =S
want to 'iron' my hair.. just dunno when where.. issit ok? issit not?
haha i realised I'm posting random random stuff to stall the time so that I don't have to go and look at the horribly long email... =X
shoo!
~ 4:13 PM ~
I'm smug that I went for lesson today =P haha.
lol and the fact was I actually decided to continue sleeping at 11am...
Then Jane called at 1130... haha she wanted to cab and was quite persistent that she'll wait...
lol i remembered saying "I must go to school tml" made me wake up and rush out... hahaha.
next challenge... will i manage to get to school tml 0830 for my first ER lesson? =X
argh. haven go for blood donation.. haven go bugis.. oh shucks! just remember i've to do something... argh!
~ 2:30 AM ~
was preparing to sleep at 12am...
saw an email - the kids' cny proposal... omg. hyperventilation. lol.
poor darl darl is going to have heart attack for her camp planning le... haha.
looked through, comment, and type 3 long emails... and its 0230! =S argh!
aunty is right... cannot give them 2359 deadlines... next time have to give 2200h. then by the time we're done will be 0000hrs just nice... lol.
i must go school tml... yes i must....
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
~ 10:49 PM ~
yest pack some and my stuff till 3plus... and gave up thinking tt i'll cont today...
think i might just end up sleeping soon... zzz.
PROCRASTINATING again!
argh. everyone's talking bout deadlines for all the assignments... bad bad. =X
How i just want to go for all the diving trip, Mt K and all the many many others to come...
If only... Life's short.. shouldn't we just enjoy ourselves doing wad we love? someone enlighten me why am I still studying something that.. haiz. rar! website still don't put up the dates for all the due dates... argh.
lol. ya... I noe I don't live in a dream... tt's y. =/
but well.. we win some, we lose some... I blessed with what I have and I'm thankful for them..
~ 2:02 PM ~
no more luxury of mummy-cook-free-lunch/dinner...
no time to cook since ah ma's back in amk.. need to go down and take a look now and then.
haha can lose weight when lazy go buy food =P
but aiya must spend money for meals le... headache wad to eat also..
maybe its telling me.. its time I start going to have dinner out and start studying like before le!
sometimes I'm afraid that I'll end up doing things wrongly again..
how much will it be tt i end up pushing too much.. or me being laid back will end up to be too little?
haha seriously I think I'm the idiot who always think too much. lol =X
Its a re-start, another beginning... we'll slowly write our story once again...
Trust and believe.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
~ 11:52 PM ~
Things are starting to pile up... getting higher and higher...
bad bad... argh.
Things get piled up, Mind gets Cluttered... with many many things.
So many things... no, I'm not going to say so little time. coz time is there, its me who's lazy to plan my things.
rar! Don't be lazy! Don't procrastinate! must start bugging myself to get things done.
CNY is coming... hope to clear things to have a better start...
esp. since 010110 didn't start too well... hope CNY will be good..
Monday, January 25, 2010
~ 10:42 PM ~
when you start feeling tired even after sleeping to replenish the sleep lost the night before... you know you're getting old... =X
headache headache... just hope its all from the lack of sleep...
but these days its often... very tired but just toss and turn and just can't sleep... argh.
家家有本难念的经...
just hope everyone stay strong and together during times like these...
Anyway.. simple quote of the day..=)
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."
- Reinhold Nebuhr
Can change, change. Cannot change... accept it, or let it go.
~ 12:33 AM ~
Today is a good day! =)
very tired.. so let's keep this short and replenish on my yesterday's lost sleep =/
more details if i felt up to it tml...
When you really open your mind and let things go.. things that will affect one in the past, indeed don't affect you as much anymore..
it feels like... hmm... free? since it doesn't matter anymore... haha dunno how to describe lar. lol.
the hard part is the letting go, once you really let something go.. the rest will come easily..
but somethings in life... you just can't let go.
just felt abit bad that only manage to go to Curina's party after its over... just managed to say hi.
but just now.. i sat there... its like.. its not a choice between staying or going off.. coz i already noe it. coz its them... and even more coz its today...
argh! very tired. really can't link things. shall go sleep soon... nitez.
Treasure today... coz i won't noe wad Tomorrow will bring..
Saturday, January 23, 2010
~ 7:38 PM ~
There's only so much I can do...
even if i want to cont' to P.. I wonder if i have the strength to..
Perhaps I should just give up.
i dunno. wadever it is.. wadever.
am not bothered le..
that's wad i say now.. i bet i won't be able to keep to it. =/
~ 12:21 AM ~
hmm.. hmm.. hmm.. hmm.. hmm.. haha. nvm. t.a.b
Just back from meeting. lol. aunty is becoming naggy haha.
Feeling very niam from the very 不赚钱 amk mac... =S
niam and cool weather on the way home.. make me feel like running lol.
running is addictive once started.. (but well also hard to start haha.)
But take a deep breath.. still pain at the side - stitch. =X I wonder wad causes stitch and why mine always last for a few days depending on the "horrible-ness" lol.
there's something i want to talk bout.. but can't remember wad le. aiya. till i remember..
Friday, January 22, 2010
~ 9:47 AM ~
lol. got out of bed (yup.last post in bed with phone haha).. got a cup of O.J.. grab a bar.. and this is the first breakfast i had from dunno since when! haha. Gotta start the day! so good so far... (other than the fact i'm not in sch =P)
Well, since its a gray day literally, and its suppose to be a gray day for me (though I'll try to make it... erm... lighter gray? haha)...
I'll get something from the "Everyone should have a book like this to get through the gray days" - Douglas Pagels (pg. 34)
You need faith. That things will be better.
You need strength. And you'll find it within.
You need patience and persistence.
You need hope, and you need to keep it close to the center of everything that means the most to you.
You need to put things in perspective.
So much of your life lies ahead!
You need to know how good it can be.
You need to take the best of what you've learned from the old, and bring it to the beautiful days of a new journey.
Life's new beginnings happen for very special reasons.
When it's time to move on remember that it really is okay.
Because when a new beginning unfolds in the story of you life, you go such a long way toward making the dreams of your tomorrows come true.
"When it's time to move on remember that it really is okay".. It's ok.. but I think the time is yet to come.. only then I'll move on. I prefer the first paragraph lol. Faith. Strength. Patience. Persistence. Hope.
I like the part that says "You need hope, and you need to keep it close to the center of everything that means the most to you." Hope.. yes.
~ 8:56 AM ~
This is horribly bad bad bad.. Woke up and surprisingly I'm not tired...
But the sky's dark. My room is even darker... Lol. Its just not a morning for school la :x
Well its just tt even if I go out now, I've to cab... And by then I reach, I might still be absent.. Lol okok tt's just excuses. Just now wake up on time also nv want go out le :x
75% attendance :S bad bad.. I shall get out of bed and do some work at home. Guilty lol.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
~ 11:22 PM ~
Good Run! =) though its quite a slow and short one haha.
hmm.. ok lar not that short. just ended earlier with a horrible horrible stitch.. and started abit later coz phone GPS unable to start up.
good run refreshes the mind.. hope tml will be a good day despite 1 long day in school..
shall try not to be grumpy ya. though the fact that its 22nd.. well.. It might just be a great day instead!
be positive.. lol. optimism - after effect of a run?
argh but i can feel my right knee going to be bad tml =S.
~ 8:18 PM ~
lol... i hope 12am comes fast... so i can be grumpy haha.
hmm. shall go for a run! =) i'm still being Good! haha.
~ 12:44 PM ~
I will be good today.. yes I will be.. I'll Be Good!
haha self psycho..
need some encouragement, some motivation..
a message, a tag, a post, a sms, a call, an email.. Anything..
haha i send myself maybe easier lol.
Go see the kids.. something to focus for few hrs. =)
"..look at that word blame. It's just a coincidence that the last two letters spell the word me. But that coincidence is worth thinking about.
Other people or unfortunate circumstances may have caused you to feel pain, but only you control whether you allow that pain to go on.
If you want those feelings to go away, you have to say: "It's up to me." "
- Authur Freeman (The 10 Dumbest Mistake Smart People Make and How to Avoid Them)
haha blame - Blame Me!
when things are still wrong.. it just doesn't seems ok to let the feeling go away.
aiya if its so easy to just let it go... it won't be call the Dumb mistake that People make lar.. lol.
yes i still think its me.. maybe now its not me le.. but I'm the start, which result into what it is today...so.. its me lar.
~ 12:27 AM ~
even typing "haha" and "lol" is difficult..
they don't show happiness..
they are staring at me and lol, instead of haha with me..
going crazy..
tumbling downhill...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
~ 8:38 PM ~
what can one do when what she actually want is to disappear..
how bout taking an axe and hack someone?
scream shout?!
knock her head and blackout? better still... wake up with bad memories gone..
can?
i dunno wad to do..
doing nothing and just lie on the bed didn't help..
just blog.. blog.. and talk to myself..
I'm sorry.. to myself... for not being good again.
promises to oneself is the hardest to keep...
~ 8:00 PM ~
ARGH!
why can't i just learn. i don't understand myself.
just when i think that everything's going to be alright.. going to be ok..
Life just can't help it but turn around and tell me "HAHA! who said so!"
but well.. in the first place... why should i care?!
chill chill chill. darn it.. its just another one of those days.
~ 1:52 PM ~
hmm.. decided to stretch my entry area.. been making several long posts these days and the length of it when viewing in the previous template was.. wah. but not really used to it right now.. =S. esp. its centralised but not that center.. and i guess in diff com, diff screen size it will be diff.. hmm.
lol. and tt day when i'm reading the old blog, i realised i've be "..." since long time ago.. and indeed its a bit disturbing when reading lol. and when i look at my previous few entries.. i realised the 3 dots had decreased to 2 dots! lol the effect of aunty saying "..." is depressing? haha. I shall try to decrease the no. of dots. try arh =X haha.
saw a very nice prayer tt day..
O God, I thank you for my friends,
For those who understand me
Better than I understand myself,
For those who know me at my worst
And still love me,
For those who have forgiven me
When I had no right
To expect to be forgiven.
Help me to be as true to my friends
As I would wish them to be to me.
Help me to take the first step
To get into touch again with friends
From whom I have drifted apart.
And help me to have no bitterness
But only forgiveness to any of my friends
Who failed or who turned against me.
This I ask for your love’s sake, Amen.
lol if ben saw this he will go.. "you amen one meh?" lol no. i'm not. haha.
Thank you. Forgive me. Be true. Get in touch. No bitterness. pray hard.. have faith. be blessed.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
~ 11:09 PM ~
I just read the investment proj assignment sample from the last sem.. 3 letters... OMG!
i see horribly tough work ahead.. and working with.. just hope tt everything will goes well... esp when 40% of the final mark depends on this...
tired.. sitting there listening to heart to heart can be mentally draining too lol... well.. not really h2h too.. aiya.
~ 2:42 PM ~
hmm.. yest was doing zhsj blog's template.. playing with the new coding which i've yet to really figure out =S
was trying the layout on my old blog.. ended up reading those old entries written in '05, '06. just before i moved over to here. old memories... so into it that I dug out my diary from late 04 to early '07 and start reading lol. read back.. somethings then was hmm.. haha. silly. somethings nv changed.. and some.. things changed so much that I wonder.. how we end up in the current situation..
Read bout how we're thinking whether to go for OTC, going back to ZHSJ for the first camp after we grad, how we went for our first zone event, then our first NCOC, how we view the officers then, the feeling of z5 then.. Perspective of a cadet and eventually a junior officer.. Those things that read will bring smiles and joy..
Time has changed.. Things change.. pple change.. perspective change..
Part of me still hope that one day these feeling of happiness of working together, playing together will be back..
but well... its not tt easy.. we gotta wait for evolution lol. and perhaps then the feeling might no longer mean anything le..
But nevertheless.. I'm glad that I'm being pulled to join SJ in sec 1.. life.. just won't be the same.. I won't noe if it will be better or for worse.. but I won't trade the memories, friends, experiences I had.. imagine not knowing Crappers - Mazi, jin, toot, chiew, darl darl, qq and Aunty? and later on getting to know sw?
I guess I'll still choose the same path even if I noe wad it might end up to be.. =)
Of course inside '04 to '07 there's the new life in JC... S14, S45, M45 and of course shooting! hmm... jc life is something that i think.. if i'm given the chance to choose again.. I might end up in poly.. esp. these days when I don't understand why the hell that i'm studying something that I don't like and don't plan to do in future.. haiz. of course JC life there's many good memories too.. but in a way.. they're memories that ends together with jc life.. its not like SJ when it goes on and on that had become part of me.. 1 thing i'll regret if I nv end up in IJ will be shooting i guess... M45 - OCIP trip though its a great memory (and yes I'm still determine to get back there one day).. I think I'll still have went for an OCIP trip if I'm in poly.. lol. its just in me to join something like tt.. lol. then S14, S45.. great peeps that have great memories together.. but I think.. in poly I'll be meeting greep peeps too? lol. but shooting.. I might nv enjoy shooting if not for being in ij.. reading back.. I go to sch to shoot lol...okok I think I'm Seriously talking Nonsense! lol.
lol.. and the thick thick diary ended on 28/1/07 - POC. its an interesting entry... lol. its the first time I helped candy to spray her hair.. and its at my place. (lol now i'm pro le =P) first time longbang cab with sir pt and mdm xt. lol yes i got write "mdm" then lol. think its the last time aaron appeared for sj. lol. our G5 promotion. went to eat sakae.. lol and i mentioned how the whole grp of us wearing the bluple shirt making lots of noise.. pple looking at us weirdly lol. but i always like a group of pple wearing 'uniform'.. sense of belonging bah. lol. tt explain why we always like to discuss wad to wear before some outings/ events haha.
nice entry to end with ya.. when sj is just simply fun. lol. and its like the entry marked the end of that diary.. but also started a new beginning coz we always said.. we started off with sakae.. and sakae started off from then lol.
oops i better get going.. back to zhss again.. i think i'm going back to zhss more often than going to SIM =S
Monday, January 18, 2010
~ 11:38 PM ~
thinking if i should take up something to make my uni life more interesting..
feel like doing some sports.. hmm.. but well.. seldom take a step alone. so ar.. haha. dunno.. most prob it will just be think only lor..
got the urge to shoot again.. haiz its just the urge that will come and go again.. too bad sim no shooting... argh!
really can't be bothered with those things anymore. do wad i have to do.. then close one eyes, close two eyes. cover my ears, turn around.
and the other thing.. though its still hard, time makes it easier slowly.. slowly.. soon.. it might just fade.. somehow i rather the hurt.. than let it be gone so fast..
but well.. i might be blessed once again.. and it will nv be gone..
~ 1:45 AM ~
zz.. tired. but well.. weekend was not too bad =) erm.. actually sat was quite bad with the headache and an upset stomach.. lol.. oh man! its just yest but I can't really remember wad i've done =X bad bad.
ar... anyway today was happy shopping~ lol. Happy coz its daddy mummy pay $ for me day! haha. John Little sales... then Ikea for dinner and shopping aimlessly. as usual I'll start thinking bout... "the last time I'm there was..."
For John Little sales at Expo I think was with aunty in 2008 before attending bbq at ecp by lishi's batch? then nevin they all was sec 1... hmm.. yup i think tt's the last time i've been at a John Little sales. Last time at expo.. 2008 dec - collecting our first 42.195 race kits. lol. tt's also quite long ago thinking tt we've already done our 2nd 42..
For Ikea... lol. Once I step in ikea I just smiled thinking the stupid things that we've done in Ikea the last time we're there.. dragging mattress on the floor... rolling around lol. and realised that it was quite long ago.. but as we went to eat Hot dog bun after shopping.. I recalled the last time Ikea-ing was at Ikea Alexandra.. and I can't remember why were we there... I only remember we ate laksa, we ate hotdog bun and refilled the drinks.. (lots of it!) haha... but just can't recall when and why. its bugging me that my videographic memory is failing =X.
Facebook these days are showing snippets of pple's lives.. (erm ya... they've always been showing tt =X) ya anyway.. 2 trends set me thinking again..
1) '88 babies are no longer celebrating 21st. We're going on to 22... lol. We're all getting old! =X
All the horror stories of... once you hit 21... the age just keep jumping faster and faster lol. soon its going to be me... =S. though its just like any birthday, its still quite scary to think of it... lol. afterall its the first birthday after 21. haha.
i'm not thinking for mine.. coz i dunno how it will be like.. i'm scared to think.. and its not because its 22. lol. God will plan for me ya.
2) pple been posting their overseas exchange photos.. Zoe girl in California, Siying in HongKong, Azelia somewhere in Europe... and of coz the others who will be there for few years to complete their studies.. part of me want to try and experience being a student in a foreign country.. but of course there's also many things that I'm unsure of. We have the choice whether to complete our last semester of studies in RMIT.. but i think my results is not good enough.. and.. money will be another big issue.. haiz. shall see bah.
right now.. i seriously feel like going overseas.. a simple road trip, backpack.. alone.. coz i dunno who to ask along.. or perhaps i dunno who will want to come along.. everyone seems to be busy.. lol. if i've the courage? haha.. as if my parents will allow in the first place lor. haha. saw ppl's road trip, backpack photos.. I also want.. alone is infact not the first choice... a best trip will of course be "with my backpack, my buddy and me~~"
Oh! and i've decided to get the S90 eventually. Lol yes. Eventually... coz I also dunno when it will be.. no $.. see how lar.. but i need a camera to play with.. lol. to capture the little things in life.. to help me refresh my memories if i forget haha. see ppl's posting nice nice photos (not the nice subjects but the way they capture it..) just make me more tempted.. lol.
lol. this is once again a no-flow entry with all the thoughts jumble here and there. lol.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
~ 12:59 AM ~
headache headahce... =S getting bad to worse. I think the new specs lens is making me giddy... worsening the headache.
ya finally change out of my horribly scratched lens. see the world clearer. lol. but think not really use to it yet plus some changes to the degree... result - horrible headache. sometimes while walking need to stop and make sure I'm walking straight =X when sitting down need put my head down for a moment or two... =X
a headache is quite a good distraction.. lol. makes the head too busy to go running around lol. but argh! its been a long time since such a horrible headache =S.
lol. the headache is really getting to me... make me post such a useless... senseless post about headache -_-. lol, I seriously should go sleep... =S I should be sleeping early lar. =X kk... nitez!
Friday, January 15, 2010
~ 1:14 AM ~
last time when the ramblings at home get a bit too much... the other good things will make it seems better.
when there's a long day in school... calls and smses that will make it easier.
right now.. i'll just learn.
ARGH! wtf.
life just like to give u a few more kicks when you're down.
~ 12:02 AM ~
I've said I'll be good.. I did.. after then I kept myself high, always reminding myself to be happy... not so hard when my days are busy... but today.. I'm free, I'm alone.. I'm tired and let my guard down.. the feeling came back and eat me inside out.. I thought I could easily get the feeling out and look happy again.. but I guess its not tt easy.
No doubt I'll bounce back once again. I'm Hong tt's wad i do best. A clown's specialty is to paint a smile isn't it.
I'm just worried bout the coming weekend when I can't think of anything to do... May I be strong.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
~ 4:00 PM ~
Finally sleeping before 12am and clock 12hrs sleep =) laze around and roll on the bed for an afternoon nap haha. oh one bad thing - someone's drilling something on and off... argh! haha.
Good sleep yes. But empty.
Its one of the gray days. When I felt too tired to keep myself happy. When I just want to go through the day without thinking bout anything... just see the time pass... well.. I'm just storing energy for tml ya lol. Tml will be one horrible long day in school... argh!
Sometimes felt tt my blog is getting meaningless with similar rantings. lol. Shall try to make it a little more meaningful.. Rmb there's a time I blogged some inspiration everyday... long time ago. Well, shall try to blog little inspirations now and then these days... lets start with this...
From "Everyone should have a book like this to get through the gray days" - Douglas Pagels.
A Chance for a Happy Ending (pg. 60)
We all know that life isn't easy.
If we could, we would just wave a magic wand and make everything the way we want it to be. We don't have that luxury, but there are some things we can do that will help to see us through.
We can have hope. Because it works wonders for those who have it.
We can be optimistic. Because every cloud does seem to have a silver lining.
We can put things in perspective. Because somethings are important and others are definitely not.
We can remember that beyond the clouds, the sun is still shining.
We can meet each challenge and gave it all we've got.
We can count our blessings.
We can be inspired to climb our ladders to the stars.
We can be strong and patient.
We can be gentle and wise.
And we can believe in happy endings.
Because we are the authors of the stories of our lives.
I'll wait to be given the chance to write a happy story. Just not now I guess.. afterall every story has its own ups and downs..
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
~ 10:27 PM ~
argh horrible headache! result of a healthy lifestyle of sleeping early the past 2 mth. can't stay up late for too many nights these days... getting old le =X
lol. i indeed type lots of interesting crap yesterday haha.
candy's "hurtful words don't hurt when they come from those you don't care about" lol. i also got my "simple words caused impact to the heart even when spoken casually when they come from those who matters lots to you" lol. actually don't even need words lar. an action, a movement or just anything in fact will have impact lol.
hmm... somethings ar... i really dunno. seems to be going down down down down again.. must be the aunty effect. lol. and perhaps.. i've not been keeping to wad i'm suppose to do these days =X. bad bad. haiz.
~ 2:14 AM ~
wah! my previous blog entry really very long! haha. nitez.
~ 2:14 AM ~
12 Jan... its always a date that i'll think bout somethings since 7 yrs ago... lol. as i look back i always lol bout our silliness then. but it always makes me treasure wad i have now. and of coz i'm thankful that eventually we became better than before.
12 Jan easy to remember lol 1 mth before 12 Feb =P I remember thinking 7yrs ago tt its a 1 mth early bad bday 'present' for me... today... somehow i felt its another mark that i'll remember... lol. can just hear them saying "Hong Jin brain is use to remember all these bo liao stuff". oh well... lol. just in case 1 day i'll forget all... now i remember while i can lor.
hmm.. i really think if something is meant to be it will be. 7 yrs ago. then little things like some of my things that just seems to come back to me when it goes missing. eg. a card holder that went missing for 4-5times once even in Sentosa and only returned after bout 2 weeks, my dear htc touch 3g that always tends to be left behind for countless times =X, my dear handphone pouch... =) lol. point of this whole chunk? - if things came back after separation, its meant to stay.
entered a church/ chapel and sit in for a service for the first time. though i believed its different from the normal service. hmm.. just makes me think bout the religion things going round in my head these days - the m'sia religion dispute, then some discussion bout it the other day. lol. Gab actually think of something of what I always believe in. lol. He said "If there's really a God, I believe there's only 1 of them. All the names (gods of diff. religions) were just a messenger." To me, I believe in a higher being up there... all the different religions just happen to see god in a different time, different place, in different forms. and due to the different circumstances and the different culture of ppl, the teachings somehow differs. and of course through the years, the religion leaders shaped the religion. but down to the basics, all religion teach good, provide faith and strength to one when needed, provide hope for miracles.
Being brought up in a Buddhist family, I'm actually not really being exposed much to the teachings until I grew older and read up on them myself. didn't attend spiritual classes or wad. and enjoying reading, I read bible stories, prayers etc. too. Just that I prefer the teaching of Buddhism, the work of karma etc. Don't really like how Christians praise the lord cause He's the best, live for Him, do everything for Him and those who don't believe in Him will be deny to Heaven and will live in agony. hmm.. perhaps it is just my superficial knowledge of the Christians and Catholics.
In recent years, I think I've become more religious... esp 2009. So often I pray. and i'm always thankful I'm blessed. even sometimes if I can't really see the blessing, I believed that its just not time yet.. God has better plan ahead. I'll be guide to the correct path. I'll be led to see the light eventually. and somehow, the more you pray, the more faith you have, the better things get. and believe it or not, making promises to god, keeping to them makes a difference too.. lol. I can just hear rational people explaining it that its all in the mind, its our own psychological mind at work... Well so? If believing a higher being is up there guiding me, providing me miracles when all hopes seems to be gone, give me the strength to live on, to do and achieve a better tomorrow, let me be a better a person... so be it. =)
i don't really believe in myself, i'm no great person to achieve great things, therefore i believe i do my best and god will do the rest to help me achieve wad i ought to be. somethings i can't control, sometimes i'm worried bout them but can't do anything.. therefore i believe god will help me take care of them, of things that i could not do anything about. Therefore I pray.
haha. I've written such a long entry on such a weird subject lol. and its so late into the night. i wonder tml when i read these again will i wonder what am i actually talking about... lol. one good thing having a blog that pple seldom drops by... I can crap nonsense and no worries bout it hahahaha. late night craziness. =X i shall really sleep. nitez.
oops i just realised... i'm a Buddhist using God so easily in a way refering to Buddha? issit just like how Allah was use to describe God in the M'sia Catholic news article? hopefully i've not crossed any religion lines bah... =X
hmm. right now just recieved an email.. lol. it meant nothing much to me currently. haha. 真的看开了lol. weighting them and them. They're just too dear to me.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
~ 12:02 AM ~
zzz. tired tired tired... 好人不好当ar... lol shouldn't be so good and said I'll help them find and print the photos lol =X
haha... but well... they're the kids... we don't help them who help them.. lol. They seriously need lots of guidance.. but we've seen them grow.. hope when they grad... they'll have the blood of a planner, an executor and of course a good leader. lol.
Just like Lishi batch.. we've seen them grow.. Today they take their O's result and officially an ex student? lol. seems like just not long ago I brought them to hq and beach road to buy their log stuff. Bring them to Lavendar MRT back from HQ. Remembering telling them.. "Its a route that will become very familiar to you by the end of 4 years or even more". and now they've graduated...
we 老了! =X
sometimes we hope for somethings and when we got it.. we wonder is it what we hope for then..
but well... no matter what.. if somethings we pray for came to us... then we must be thankful. coz we're blessed. =) will be good. walk and see...
Monday, January 11, 2010
~ 12:15 AM ~
Packing things for school tml... felt so unprepared... and its like... argh! school's really starting le! =X
want to get 开学快乐! must 让自己快乐 lol... its just a way to 安慰自己吧 =P and already having 3 kxkl... i'll like to let it cont' and have all 6 sems to be happy. haha..
will it be the same... lol nvm... kxkbf!
hmm... said "take care" once again within 1 week... Take care ya...
For me... I'll have faith and pray hard..
S90 is getting more and more good to fiddle with.. in my mind lol... think i might just go get it... see how after my pay comes and i clear some outstanding stuff... hmm.
there's so many things i want to blog bout... the nice inspirational book i'm reading, an article in a magazine i've browse through, the religion issues in Malaysia right now, some thoughts that i have... but well... i just nv get started... more things that are pending for me to do in reality... haiz. coming week is gonna be another busy week with all their cca orientation and stuff... and of coz the fact that there's sch which i no longer can skip due to the 75% attendance requirement -_- argh.
Hope tt everyone have a good day tml... esp. it seems that everyone seems to be having 8/8.30am lessons tml according to their facebook status lol. work hard for the sem ahead!
Saturday, January 09, 2010
~ 6:32 PM ~
yay! no more work lo! haiz no more money... sian sch starting...
second weekend of 2010. The nostalgic mood previously spur me on to get out for gatherings... met up with some of the PB ex temps. its been 1 year! too bad tt retard tick and retard tick tick can't attend. Mahjong! Jo is really a rich girl =X the normal 平凡girl who lives in a Extremely big house and drive an audi. lol. second consecutive weekend breakfast at Thompson Prata Place.
meeting up with darl QQ Candy tml bah... long time no meet le...
oh... in the morning when traveling from bukit timah to Thompson... See a big big fleet of cyclist with their chio roadbikes... think there's at least 50 - 80 of them? The speed they cycle... the chio-ness of the bike... wow-ing. One day I'll get one of it? hmm... it all depends on... cycling kaki bah... lol. for now i'm happy with my giant. =)
I felt something... pray hard that it won't be 一波未平一波又起... I don't noe... hope I'm wrong.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
~ 11:34 PM ~
Since the morning got the uneasy feeling that something is bugging at me... slowly nipping at my blind spots... draining me out... waiting for me to snap! but just can't pinpoint wad's wrong... till few mins ago it strikes me... Must be my aunty coming to find me soon lar... argh. lol.
the bugger feeling is bad... just makes me think about many things... makes me easily irritated, worried at tiny gritty things. horrible. don't even have the mood to do a proper blog entry... argh!
should just say bye and don't torture any poor reader who happen to pass by =S
p.s. the silly uneasy feeling comes with nostalgic feelings... missing lots of things today... memories keep flying by... miss them. if anyone of you been sneezing many times today... it must be coz I miss You la... lol. if u nv sneeze... then must be ur nose spoil lar... haha. missing....
~ 1:04 AM ~
argh! a night of stomached =X another night spend doing this and that and deprive myself of sleep again =S
looking at cameras =X canon S90 is so tempting... =X like having a camera to fiddle with... but well... i bet i'll just look for a long long time... laptop should be bought before a camera ba... but actually the current one i'm using is still good enough for normal use at home, use a lack of batt and looks damn chui. =P use for so long got feel le lor haha... sianz... y everything comes with a price tag.
though next pay is coming... i gotta use them and clear part of my debt =X last pay was almost drained by all the xmas gifts... meet ups in dec... and meet up is the time to clear the $ owe for various ppl bdays. haiz. no money no money... if only. lol suddenly i can just imagine wad they'll be commenting/thinking right now if they read bout this... lol.
Genting seems to be the new hotspot for short holidays for facebook friends these days... several albums of Genting trip with friends. Make me miss our runaway... and well... i think we're not having any anytime soon le... =( i also nv ask le... aiya we'll have one next de!
also looked through my course guides for this sem modules... its going to be a tough sem =X min. of 3 group projects, 2 indviduals =S need to hold on tight and pull myself through... hope little simple happiness will be around to brighten up my days/ nights now and then when things seems tough ahead... =) have faith.
tml will go settle stuff... and hopefully could pass on my things to let me disappear for awhile... Settle my responsibilities... i need a break... 执著了这么久... 已渐渐忘了自己到底在执著什么... if help... will be for friends bah. till one day... when joy and happiness returns... haiz but if unable to pass on successfully... i got a feeling R will make me guilty and i might just appear. Argh! well... actually still got jan la. lol still got the kids.
walk and see bah... just be happy Hong! =)
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
~ 11:51 PM ~
planned to have another good run today... sianz. phone hanged on me, eventually lo batt. trying to get it to work while walking. ended up walking half of the route that i've planned to run lol. by the time I decided to start running, I left only bout 2k? haha. 2k full of traffic lights and polluted air =S should just stick to the old route next time...
sunday night heard bout aunty's ahgong... take care ya...
it gets me worried bout ahma =S call me superstitious but past experiences seems to reflect that this tends to take place one after another... =X pray hard. will be blessed.
very very tired this few days. after a long weekend... abit lazy to work. can't wait for the end of this week... but well... tt also means the start of a new sem. i'll be good and study hard this sem. i must lol. should cont the daily study if there's nothing after school routine.. even if i'm going to do it alone.
craving for Sakae! we've not use our monthly quota for 2 months le... though tt time meet up with mazi and jin got eat, new year eve they ordered sakae in office... but its just different. lol... Sakae? Sakae? for Jan?? =X this is making crave sakae even more =S lol.
this post is totally random! haha. hope to sleep early tonight and replenish my sleep... zzz.
am blessed. pray hard.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
~ 8:09 PM ~
second night of 2010... spent having a second bbq...
a 2009 xmas bbq in 2010 with the sim clique... did last min gift exchange shopping.. bought an over budget gift... seriously dunno wad to get... =S while shopping for gift i instinctively wanted to call sw to niam bout wad to buy and having to join them.. lol.
Though through the bbq i'm mostly sitting aside... as usual lol. Enjoyed the snow war session... Heck care bout everything and spray like crazy lol. Then they planned bout going for movie next week... Sherlock Holmes. Have already watched... won't be joining them. Then they started saying "Hong Jin always tt busy"... I smiled at the irony of that...
Today pulled out from bed by parents... went to see ah ma at 6th uncle's place... her condition is getting worse... worrying... met up with gugu before going there... when they're talking bout ahma's condition, tears welled up in their eyes easily... heartening...
ah ma's 86 going 87 in 1 month time... time really waits for no man... no man can escape the effect of old age... now she remembers us... now she don't... thinking of the past... sometimes wanting to go back to the kampong days... but mostly she just wants to go back home in amk... but with only the maid and her there, everyone's felt less worried when she's at my uncle's place... especially after a disappearing incident...
slipping, tripping, falling sick had also become more and more frequent... haiz...
Fortunately, our big family lives in harmony. all 11 sons and daughters cared for her... together with in laws, grandchildren. Hope the conditions won't worsen... be blessed...
what will life be when i'm old... nono not thinking bout me at 80... maybe just 60? if i'm still alive... last time when we always see elderly together shopping, sitting at starbucks/coffee bean, playing arcade, we always joke... will we be like them? will we still jio each other out to eat sakae? play mj? catch toys? 无所事事的逛街? lol... or will we still be going hiking and cycling? haha. we shall see... lol
Saturday, January 02, 2010
~ 5:51 PM ~
020110 - first post of the year. lol the date is looking weird not ending with 09. will get use to it soon though...
last moment of 2009 was spent on Esplanade Bridge the same spot as last year... overlooking Merlion Park. Its same same but diff. Spent it with aunty and lishi... Fireworks was not bad... but its doesn't really have the impact like 2007's or 08's. For new year i prefer the big POM POM POM! this year there's more special fireworks... those with patterns and styles.. nice... but it seems to be unable to POM! all the unhappiness away and give the new year a new start... Fortunately the finale with all the Golden Fireworks with the big big POM POM manage to do the job. lol.
First group of ppl we met up with in 2010 were the Rainbows! lol... after fireworks went to meet Weiliang, Wilson, Elena etc. Getting entertained by the rainbow chair haha. Get into the new year with a flat batt phone... =X send no smses greetings out... reached home knock out... by the time I woke up it seems a bit weird to send out greetings in the afternoon... haha...
start off the first day of the new year... the later part of it at bbq at xt's place...
it made me more sure that... its me la... haiz. its ok... just hope to learn why someday... is it wad i think it was...
enjoyed the later game playing session all the way till the 2nd day of 2010 with all the rainbow Pigs lol. be contented with little simple things like these...
I really dunno wad 2010 will be... to me this yr's new year is just seems to be another day... still walking a step at a time... Just one thing there's a focus... needa study hard! haha.
i'll be good and let things take its own course =)
won't let myself sink into the horrible mood le... sad emo now and then... yes... but won't let myself feel so horrible le... =)
