i dunno wad's wrong. with others, with myself.

wad others do I can't change.
wad I'm doing, I must change.

stay strong, its just less than 1 month... don't live it with regret Hong! haix.
hope whatever that is wrong with me get lost soon...
and hope the rest will be good too... I know they will...

why?! can someone enlighten me?

no wonder my eyelid twitch today. haix.

investment project is a killer. i'm making no progress... sucky argh.

the day passed... but well things continued the same way. now i dunno again. oh well.. just let it be for now bah. though i'll hope for some presence as I slog through the project.. i think some time and space are needed.

2 more weeks till the end of proj horror... Jiayou bah!

for awhile i dunno wad's wrong... then i remember and now i understand. hope things are good... and things will be good again too.


a tiring but good weekend. burnt, hot, red... haha. but i'm nothing as compared to sw. hopefully no serious complication for her lousy skin. =X
bua-ing the aloe vera gel after finding it finally... shiok haha. 
after the fatigue and all the pain and ache dies off.. hoepfully will be looking forward to the next star...
haha now is a bit too tired to think bout the enjoyment. lol.
 
ran my First Run on 27 Mar 2010, since 06 Feb 2010 when my left ankle becomes 猪脚 lol. Though not a good run... its a progress... finally can run le!
Though right now, its slightly aching due the 'exercises' and other kicking, stumbling all on the left leg... i think its partly result of 'not yet being in total control' of the left leg. lol. nonsense =P but well.. can slowly starts running le.. =)

saw ER's indv assignment result.. my prayers were being heard i guessed. a Di. :) though i dunno how's the results of the others... perhaps others were all obtaining HD but well... I didn't expect much from it... and obtaining a DI is a blessing already.

though I felt that 2010 sux... my blessings are coming through my assignment results... perhaps they're actually quite bad... that's y god needs to put in more effort for my studies and as a result could not blessed me with too much other things? haha. don't be greedy. at times like these, i'm always amazed at the 'coincidence' of prayers coming true... tab, push, do help those who have faith in them...

omg... so tired. =X but well... must P for the last 2 projects... and then the final exams... with the blessings of not too bad assignment results, hopefully exams could be not bad too... so must study and help myself before miracles can happen... =)

好想好想逃跑。 出去走走，抛开烦恼，清楚想想未来要做些什么。

虽然心中总有个理想，但谈到未来时，我总是无法自信地说。 总觉得，自己的理想永远只会是个梦想，因为没勇气去争取，没能力去完成。生活中也有着太多的因素阻挡着...

小溪随着河水流，不知是否会流到想去的海洋... 会不会本来该到北太平洋， 结果流到南太平洋... 说不定半途流进了死湖也就一生卡在那....

虽没勇气做什么，但总是还是抱着一丝希望。 希望流着流着，也能流出自己的一道河流，能流到自己心仪的大海。

读着别人的博客， 羡慕别人文语如此美丽。 自己却无法写出如此令人感叹的文字。

每天过这毫无意义的日子... 虽然有很多事该做， 但都不是自己想做的。
看着前方的路，自己的未来， 是黑暗的。未来的日子都会是如此吗？

昨晚进入梦乡前，在反省一天时， 自己认为自己已慢慢地接受。
我懂，也相信她也懂。
我们可是不需见面，只需一字短讯，就能传达一切的。虽然好久好久没这样了...
等她何时要归队吧... 她应该比谁都了解。

haha testing the chinese input thing on new laptop... hmm.
whole lot of nonsense haha.

Not been blogging for few days... too busy? or too lazy? mixture of both bah.

So... wad brings me here tonight?
all the shit. since the morning till this moment. seriously... wad's WRONG?! haix.

When my ankle almost recovered, I tripped and hurt my back last Fri.
When my back finally recovered on Mon, Wed morning (this morning) I slipped and fell... hip and leg hurt.
argh. wtf.

and tt's not all...
then i took a cab that brings me round and round.
project no progress... keep hitting walls.
meet and... felt. and learning to...
home and my lappie had to give me some prob too...
haix.

haha Grumpy me. bad days. argh!.
oh! only good thing tt came out of today... :) LM indv result not too bad... :) hope tt WIL and  ER will be blessed too...

oh well nitez! tml still need wake up early to touch up proj... haix. endless projects... :(

yesterday night was... lol. i can't put a word in... it just shows how one thing led to another. and if the changes occur for the better future when everything is being pushed forward successfully... I can only say... God plays a big part in it? from going home and suddenly thought of mutton soup, out of no where a sudden random talk bout home nurse, leading to nfac, to zone, and eventually the 'dare' to make a change...
all this meant to happen? haha.

The want to do something is not unexpected. didn't expect it so soon though. not a bad thing though. :)  a revolution ahead... for the better hopefully.

Things about myself... i understand what others see. I need lots of thinking to bring things across...hmm.

I still feel the distance. after that.. this morning some other sms. hmm. me? not sure. after exams if this persist... perhaps I'll need a debate like the year 2 bah... haha.

Off to do project! argh...  

why?

I hate the feeling of not knowing what I want.
Hate it. Hate it when I just don't feel like doing anything and feel like caring about everything. but it always fail..
and right now I'm feeling both hot and cold at the same time. suits the mood ya.
Its horrible. and the horror period had not even start.

wtf is 2010.

pain is everywhere. literally. metaphorically.

bmpof... am i? just do wad i can ya. jlew ba...

and i can feel the start of fever. haix.

damn it. mood swings. makes my hair all stand up. sedia. lol. chill man. haix.

"Aquarius Daily Overview for March 18, 2010
You feel a new sense of intellectual or emotional freedom this morning that might lead to almost any kind of activity. Watch out, though -- the odds are good that you're thoroughly confused before night falls."

haha see the link between this and the previous post..? wow. lol.

not sure if things are getting into my head. do wad i can ya.
haix.

woke up with enlightenment this morning :) must be the studying that makes me have a good night sleep and gave me some wisdom haha.

what's meant to be will be. time to let everything goes its way... and see wad comes out of it. :)
things will be good with trust and believe. :)

thought of lots of things through the days but right now... can't remember them anymore... shall study 1 more chap before going off to sleep.
Jiayou ba!

rar! each chap is so long! just finished 1 Chap + abit... =S 3.5 more to go... and i feel like sleeping le haix.
well well... got progress better than no progress right :P hehe.

知道自己在家读，今晚一定会不时想起一些事。 果然...

this investment test reminds me of my finance test last year... the night before the paper i ton in Mac chionging... with two accompanying me. haha. and managed to scrap a HD. hopefully this time round I'm be just as lucky as well ar... lol.

once i step in, i confirmed my gut feeling.

吞回了许多泪水，　心颤抖了几下。　还是笑了 :)
还能做些什么呢? 这算是死赖不走吗? 只能说 "take care k."

i still can't give up... cos i didn't give up on one... and god had shown me that its worth it.
i just feel like shouting "SA! you should know better than anyone else". maybe.. tt's y its worse.

lol. came home... and something made those 吞进肚子的泪水掉下．rar! lol.
how can i complain when i'm always fortunate enough to have one by my side when the other one go missing.
but.... i'm greedy... i'm very greedy lol. one is not enough... can i have 2? please? i noe my prayers will be heard somehow... (: P&P! haha. election coming soon... PAP lol.

enough of crap... now serious stuff...

OMG! exams is from 26 April til.... 29 April. 29 April will be 2 papers! with only 1 hr in between each other... DEAD! haiz... issit fated that i must da bao ar :S haix. PAP again bah haha. 当渺小得我们不能做什么时，就希望众神明能保佑我们吧lol.

okies! shall start study for investment le... Jiayou ba! I shall not fall asleep!!! haha.

i think i'm just reading too much into things.
I'm too complicated a person.
Hong ar... think simple, be simple and led a simple life. =)

suddenly...
i miss my friends. the whole lot of them.
not only my bestest... lol though they are always being missed no matter when's the last time we met. even when i crave for some alone time, they will pop up now and then.

but now I'm missing old days with old friends like wenbin? haha must be the facebook message. my oldest friend =) peili, jasmine and them.
the zhonghua peeps - siying, zoe girl, xinyu etc. etc.
those crappers who had been missing of course. :)
S45... i've pangseh them so many times last yr and now no one's planning anything le haha. miss the girls esp.
and my retards! haha.

new friends, old friends. how most of us drifted apart... but now and then they bring back good memories to me... :) memories... we're the one who gave meaning to them. when they no longer mean anything.. it will be just something that happen in the past. not a memory anymore.

i don't just remember any random things... i remember things that matter to me. To me they're memories. not things. Good or bad... they're mine to keep. haha.

nitez nitez. shall get myself to sleep and stop tossing around le!

i want to start running soon... hopefully... should start slowly le...
i need the cleared mind while running, the sweaty feel after it.

suffocating with things that i dun even noe wad's wrong.
thankful that there's still a hand to hold on to, to keep me sane.

though there's also things tt affect, i also noe when to take hints.

haix. let me just concentrate on surviving the next 2 proj. and then clear this sem.

what's meant to be will be.

its nothing, but it affects me. so many yrs, yet i nv learn.

its nothing, but its still able to make my hair stands, make the water drop.

its nothing, really nothing, yet i felt everything from it.

don't be affected by those who don't care, don't affect those who cares.

come a big round... who cares? who don't?

wad's god plan for me this time round?
wad am i suppose to learn? let it go let it go?
 

i felt that i'm standing far far away... no longer the same.
no longer in the circle, i'm out of it. 
it reached the point when i know things through fb and not before.
and even so there's things that i can't understand...

lol. ya its me la, its me lar... i'm the one who always anything also feels weird... nothing's wrong.
just no longer the same. 长江后浪推前浪... there's a new grp of pple coming up. it will be another phase bah. its just a matter of if we'll still be there in the phase, after the phase... or will be phase out. lol

lol they like to take turn lor! its similar to then... perhaps not that bad but just hurt as much... haha. nothing la! its just me nothing much to do but think of such things. lol.

another new team to work with... i think its going to be tougher. must try to understand once again... haix.
2 more to go P!

must tell myself.. I can I can...

haix. work sucks. this sem damn chui. I don't understand them, and they don't understand me. the feeling is mutual. i just hope that i pass everything peacefully this time round again.
saw an interesting story...

Christian Buddha
by: Author Unknown
http://www.inspirationalstories.com/0/35.html 

One of master Gasan's monks visited the university in Tokyo. When he returned, he asked the master if he had ever read the Christian Bible.
"No," Gasan replied, "Please read some of it to me."
The monk opened the Bible to the Sermon on the Mount in St. Matthew, and began reading. After reading Christ's words about the lilies in the field, he paused. Master Gasan was silent for a long time.
"Yes," he finally said, "Whoever uttered these words is an enlightened being. What you have read to me is the essence of everything I have been trying to teach you here!"

lol... all religion teaches good. =)

remembered something that I saw previously in Popular...
saw it on a day when things were bad. the words just gave me some comfort then...

Dear God,
When I am lonely and perhaps heart broken,
let not my ailing heart forget that you hear my every prayer.


Remind me that no matter what I do or fail to do,
there is always hope for as long as I have faith in you.


Let not my eyes be blinded by some mistakes that I've made,
but help me to regret my wrong and make up for it.


Grant me the peace and hope that I need,
the courage for tomorrow, 
the strength to stand on my feet.

May the following days of this year be peaceful and hopeful as I need.
May I have the courage and strength to brave through it.
should go bugis soon... haha.

hmm... been posting lots of bo liao stuff these days... find some inspirational stuff...
following are some things that one should believe and remember... bold those i feel for... italic my own comments haha. 

I Believe

I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and, you must forgive them for that. (cos you know them for who they are.)




I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love. (Every relationship takes effort to maintain.)

I believe-
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.


I believe-
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. (Always say good bye lol)

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't. (Persevere!)

I believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.



I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you. (right!)

I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time! (its their presence that matter =) )

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.



I believe-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. (yes must always remember. don't regret for words and action done in a moment of anger.)

I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. (just because pple do things differently, doesn't mean they don't care)


I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. (Everyone has a choice)




I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. (haha don't really agree on the first part... but agreed that a secret can change your life forever.)

I believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.


I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help. (tt's what friends are for.)

I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
That the people you care about most in life are the essence of life.

my left ankle has been good... though my right leg suffered =X lol.

But well, overall today is a good day. a nice ride though torturous at some parts... but i reminded myself, cycling is meant to be a joy, enjoy it. =) saw this on someone's shirt "bravery to attempt". haha i felt so brave lol :P

First cycling event. well, cos OCBC cylce is the only cycling event in Singapore. before and after race, we took a photo with sw's phone... and tt reminds me of my first triathlon 2 yrs ago... didn't realise its been 2 yrs. =) hmm... we shall try to take a photo for each events lol, it just brings good memories no matter how torturous the journey are haha.

The rest of the day is a 'relac and enjoy' day before the next few horrendous weeks ahead... omg. =S lol though we just slack and nua around... and do some boliao stuff lol. its a good day. =)

next up competition... osim tri in apr... hopefully i'll be well enough and slowly train up so tt I won't be feeling that i'm unable to fully enjoy the journey. will both the planned companions for the com be there and we'll have a first time tri-tri photo? =P. haha we shall see =/.

oh ya there's a horror story that happened at my house yesterday night. my hair stands with all the goosebumps on full alert even as i think of it... =S i better don't have nightmare later ar. =X

tired tired tired... nitez!

don't bother. can't be bothered. shall not be bothered.

just do my stupid essay argh.

read my own entry and...

thank god that not many pple are reading the nonsensical stuff i'm posting... haha.
i should go find some inspirational meaningful things to post soon to value add my blog abit and not torture any poor passer-by haha.

still end up home eventually. sian. haix.

*spoiler*
i think i'm going to crap a whole lot of nonsense (similar to the usual ones) in the following paragraph again haha. i think my aunty is coming to find me soon le... keep make my thoughts run around these days... lol.

while eating just now.. read a book... story of 3 boys born on the same day being the best friends. they did a silly ritual, said an oath and swear to always be best friends. then somehow their blood ritual release some evil power that caused weird things to happen every 7 years. lol haven finish the book so dunno where its heading. but well tt's not the main point...

hmm... not tt long ago I've prayed that we'll always be best friends(hmm wow tt's 3 yrs ago)... and i've promised myself that I will do wadever i can to keep us together... haha. I dunno why am i so persistent. perhaps coz 12 Feb is 'the day of the unifier'? lol. though most of the time i think i'm the bugger and sometimes push thing apart than unify them. =X

i guess i need the support from them to get going in life. them to me is much more important than me to them bah. one is always blessed with many many others around her whom she can get support from. the other will always have her guardian to guide and support her. haha. i always feel that... when i'm dead and in heaven, I'll miss them much more than they'll miss me on earth haha.

me... i'm blessed with good friends too.. but just not the same. perhaps its the things that we've went through together, perhaps its the fact that they've pull me through a tough time too.. or just that i'm just a sucker for such bonds. perhaps one day it will fade too... perhaps perhaps haha. i won't know lol.

no matter what they'll always be special to me... even if one day we don't come in 3 anymore... haha yup i'm a sucker for remembering such things, significant ppl... wenbin, jas, aunty mary, crappers and a few more... they each have a place in me. have a video in me that i can rewind and play, that can bring me smiles and tears lol.

but i just hope... we'll always be creating memories together...
"deep in my heart i just know, right from the start we will grow. look where we are, we've come so far, and there's still a long long way to go..."
"quality presence is gold" May we always be rich with these gold.
t.a.b.

argh! i'm suppose to be writing essay and not writing nonsense! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

in a killer mood.
really... wadever lar. haix.
things really nv change...
and i nv change as well.. lol.
still can be affected by every little things. haha.
haix. think i can't blame others for my own weakness bah.

aiya i think the fact tt today its a bad day right from the start build the killer mood as well bah...

let's just hope everything will become better...

I've one of the weirdest dream this morning... if its a movie, it will be catergorise under thriller. lol. so happening but lol i won't want it to happen in reality. Its so interesting that I keep wanting to know wad's next and don't want to wake up =X i turn off the 9am and 10am alarm and get back to my 'show'. ARGH!
finally end at 12pm. damn. =X

I shall get out of house before I go back to sleep or something like tt... =S.
May i have a constructive day...

the late night... and the fact that i'm not making any progress is making me depress? lol. i'm hating essay more and more these days. give me a presentation la... easier argh.

haix mood swings swing big big on late nights like these...
just start wondering... really everything's alright? haha. i feel tt i'm some broken recorder that just keep repeating on the same few things...
but well till i finally get over it or am finally convince... i think i'll just think of it now and then.

hmm.. she say alright then alright bah... perhaps things are alright just that somethings have changed.. things are no longer the same bah.. hmm. i dunno lar. t.a.b. ya.

Haha. I think this is a total senseless post. that i doubt i'll understand when i read through it again. sorry for wasting anyone's time if you just happen to pop by. lol.

shall sleep and not waste my time online doing dunno wad.
ARGH. i hate 2010! haiz.

Took the bus again after such a long time... lol thanks to bro's good idea to alight at the interchange so I can take my own sweet time to alight... lol.

Today the sinseh remove the 2 wooden splint, felt abit insecure... scared that I do stupid things that will injure it once again... =X
right now trying to walk normally but can't get the feel yet... part of me is afraid that i can't walk as normal le haha.
felt silly being scared and afraid of so many things...

Just hope that everything will be good by sunday and enable me to cycle! =)
though i think papa will kill me if he knew that i'm going cycling on sun =X

haix before tt... i've to clear my WIL by friday! argh.