Under the moon and stars

Monday, May 31, 2010

~ 12:55 AM ~

tt day.. the wind blow and my 'Life time Warranty' flew off the shelf...
picked it up and put it back again

tonight..somehow.. our 'Memories' dropped off the shelf too.
it got so dusty... cleaned it.. give it a hug and put it back up on the shelf to where it belongs..

lol. I'm thinking that many other things will soon happen and I'll link it to give it some significance..
haha. i must be watching too much 我在你左右. lol.

Every time it drops, I'll always put them back.. cos to me.. tt space is still for them.. till a day when the space is gone... if the day ever comes.

~ 12:02 AM ~

Its just the start... hmm... haiz. and I dunno to laugh or to cry. haha.

haiz.
last year we're walking, walking and dropped into the hole. well, didn't really tried to avoid it. just accept that.."ya, we're stuck in the hole." and then try to achieve something in the hole.

this year we knew that there will be holes around and therefore were careful while walking slowly... but.. we still end up dropping into the hole. Struggled, struggled.. and almost got out... before slipping and falling back in again. and eventually accept that we're stuck and try to see what we can do to get something.

twice, i took a rope and climbed down to join them in the hole. haha. cos the hole is too big to have only one of them in there. i just can't walk away and leave them in there. can't do that even if i close one eye.. or even two eyes, or the three eyes if i've them. lol. haiz.

but.. haha I'm just a ghost. :) my choice ba.. lol.

since we're stuck, no matter how much we dread it.. shall try to get something out of it within our ability bah.. :)

the protective mechanism is a clever one, but we're just human who can't be switch on/off and delete off things just like that.

Oh! Good luck to nus peeps who's result should be out bah.. Hope everything's well... esp for darl and bbsw.
and tt reminds me... i need my salmon!! 3rd June is coming soon.. :(

i do miss.. not so easy...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

~ 2:18 AM ~

Vesak day.. Perhaps with two 42 and a recent 25, 三步一拜seems to be much shorter than before... the pain after that was so much bearable haha. still remembered that the first time I went for it.. was totally seh after tt... lol. hmm.. why issit 三步一拜, why 3?

This year, its the third year. the third time for many things.

As the saying goes "Three is a magic number." and tonight I've found out that there's actually a song titled 'Three is a Magic Number' lol.

The past, the present, the future,
Faith, and hope, and charity,
The heart, the brain, the body,
Will give you three,
It's a magic number

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL659ziEyT8)

'The Power of Three', 'Third time is a charm', 'Triple deities in different myths', 'Three is the first lucky prime number' and the list goes on. (http://www.squidoo.com/MagicNumber)

and being a magical number, it works both way... being a good luck charm, or a curse. There's many curses and superstition regarding 3 as well..

So.. make it, or break it. lol. well.. everyone's happy can le :)

3 years ago, I've hope for many things along the way.. But the last steps, the scene I saw, I made the last prayer which I still believed that I'm blessed though I don't always see it..

If its meant to be, we'll be bless with it as we believe..

If we didn't get it, perhaps its not meant to be.. and Almighty can't change it too..

Hmm.. in for the tough run.. shall be a challenge..

i dunno how it will be... alone, or be bless?
I'll be lying if i said i'm not afraid.. but its a promise to myself as well.
make it or die trying to make it bah haha.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

~ 12:51 AM ~

Tonight's channel 8 travel show went off to Tasmania... there they eat fresh oyster and SALMON! haha. Ms Jacelyn Chua PL should dabao some back from Tas when she comes back for hols lar... since the show said that oysters can stay alive for up to one week on land..

hmm.. shall go eat my salmon soon.. don't wait le.. also won't know if there will be anymore next time.. If nv eat, come 4th June see le result no time to eat anymore... haha. like tt will 死不瞑目ar! =X haix. next week will be results le... :( haix.

the show makes me want to runaway again!! :( I want to go for holidays!! haix. thought tt we'll be able to get out of S'pore for a short getaway this hols.. just for a few days... a road trip or... but well... hmm. haix.

I guess our hearts and minds are able to protect themselves much better than we thought. Though we might not know.. but infact they learn something everytime.. when necessary, they'll put it to use and protect ourselves. but even so.. while tossing on bed before falling asleep.. the time before getting out of bed after waking up.. i always hope for a good day.. for all of us..

lol. Happy night for aunty dear.. GRATS! :)
hmm... hope mine next week will be good too =S
and of course before tt there's 30th.. for the nus peeps..
The result horror period... =/ lol.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

~ 5:04 AM ~

Not been blogging for these few days.. too tired after a mere 25km lol. First long run after the busted ankle.. felt the pain for the last few K.. overall feeling.. Not much different as last year 42km. lol.
Never ever run with an empty stomach and insufficient hydration. By 4km I'm dying. =X
The only motivation to keep running was not to let them see me walking haha.

22 May 2010.. would be a date remembered.. the night before tt, while tossing on the bed.. it hits me.. how similar it is to a day in 09. 1st nfac, night time in ecp.. we're not together too.. its actually more than 1 year le.. so many things happened.

well... don't need 1 year, today 25/05/2010, 4 months ago.. same date marked the beginning of... now I don't know anymore.

but I know... one can't be greedy. I asked for somethings.. I got it. not exactly what i wanted? perhaps I'm not specific bah. Be thankful for what I have, learn to live with it.. If things are meant to be, one day I'll see. meanwhile I'll still t.a.b, PnP... though I doubt it too often these days.. but little things show up at those times to tell me.. have faith.

Moving on we believe, that we can achieve.. so lets us serve our home Singapore! haha.
tt day in HQ saw those peeps going for NDP.. I miss those days...

been doing 吃力不讨好 stuff for up there.. 越来越没心 to do le.. together with the things these days.. hmm.. haha. do finish the current one, clear the stuff.. after tt will be for fun and laughter, peace and joy ba! :)

To be blessed, you first have to be thankful with what you have.
To see miracles, you first have to believe in them.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

~ 4:13 AM ~

I'll just leave it to Almighty to show me the plan. what's meant to be will be ya..
easily said.. not so easily done..
I'll learn.. :) somehow..

about 2 month ago, the roles were reversed...
similar worries.. but with her, its always much more extreme..
like today.. I didn't said much.. but then and now, they both knew.
and i received a similar advice as today... and i gave a similar reply...
2 of them, 2 different ways of saying.. telling me the same thing..
lol.. its just like a circle..

I failed at talking. Face to face, on phone. no matter how prepared.. can only talk cock sing song, haha.
thought of sending what I wanted to say. well decided to keep the long message for myself bah. :) won't make a difference anyway i guess..

Read this in a book "When you're weak/ scared/ panicky/ crying, you saw those around you feeling more than you.. You will tend to calm down and be the strong one. (erm... its being told in a short story.. I summarised it lol) " and it continues to say... "Probably it's a survival instinct; let's face it, somebody in the tribe has to keep a level head, beacause if the whole tribe panics, they'll all be toast when danger threatens"

haha. I guess it explains why I seems to be so calm that time, when previously I'm almost hysterical lol.
and why I'm mostly alone.. when things are bad.

today I didn't meant to break too.. thought I'm ok.. haha I thought.

thank god that my next few days are filled.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

~ 4:04 AM ~

woke up and saw those facebook status bout how fragile life is, treasure those around you.. draw the links of those friends and i'm afraid that its someone I know.. eventually realised that its someone whom I don't know of, but with several common friends..

Once again they reminded me how fragile life is.. and reminded me of s.a.s.a.t.h.
really... 'Life's every moment is borrowed time' treasure it.
it always sounds cliche... but.. do cherish those around..
Those who can make you angry are mostly those you care... don't waste time staying angry lol.
Remember the good days, the good memories, keep the bad days aside...
Forgive.. esp those you care.. and always say GOODBYE! don't let it be the last regret..

I'm thankful that my friends are still around.. safe and sound.

you keep this promise and lead the life you enjoy..
tt will be enough.. will be happy for you.

Monday, May 17, 2010

~ 2:11 AM ~

This marks histroy-present-mystery.blogspot.com 's 400th posts. well if you're so free to actually tried counting, you won't hit 400 cos there's private posts that I don't publish. posts that I'm too lazy to dig out my diary to write, but too personal for me to show publish onto the net.

Blogs are no longer the 'in' thing like the old days.. when everyone blog and spam each other tagboard. Well, come think of it.. its still popular among secondary school kids, but as people grow older, they seldom maintain their blogs.. at least those whom I know of.. erm Blogshops are exceptions though haha.

But I still blog... One of the reasons will be that I'm too lazy to write diary anymore haha. and since pple seldom dropby anymore, I'll keep this blog as a personal blog. and since i noe.. i do selective blogging.. things I can't express in reality, I tried to express it here.. hope that what I'll like to convey here is being conveyed. somehow someday.. they'll know.
and cos, I know there are some who still dropped by now and then... personally I like reading friends' updated blog to know how are they now and then.. though you might no longer understand them as well.. but well you still get a 'overview' out of them. lol.

enough bout blogging... let's see bout msn-ing haha. (don't ask me why I'm blogging bout blogs and msn.. but well it just comes to my mind tonight..)

In the past, on msn you can only be online, away, busy, offline.
Some years later, they add in the appear offline feature. You appear offline when you're actually still log in. You can see others, others cannot see you. But you can't talk to them, they can't talk to you.
I think people suggested that they should be allowed to communicate with others even when they're appearing offline... with those they want to talk to... and there you have it.. able to send and receive messages when you're appearing offline.

I'm one of the pioneer of 'Appearing Offline' even back in those days when you can't communicate. haha. coming online when I needed to talk to others. So when appearing offline can communicate with others, I'm one who supports it. Not many pple know about the new feature back then.. and I quite regretted teaching the 'cool' function to some.. haha. everyone starts appearing offline. and due to that.. the past few years, I seldom appear offline.. coz those whom I talk to are appearing offline and I won't know they're online, they won't know I'm online.. lol. and when both parties are appearing offline, msn seems to be taking their own sweet time to send messages or throw them away.. so well I became online.. Oops nope... i became 'Away' lol.

These days I fell back to my 'Appearing Offline' routine. Being 'Away' for few hours. Nothing. Off I go.. don't expect anything.. silly... but i still do it. lol.

Senseless post... and this show how bored I am. Next week is going to be another boring week.. haix.
人生毫无目标...

Things always happen for a reason. Its just that you knew it or not.

I blogged a chunk of nonsense.. let me end with a picture..

Sunday, May 16, 2010

~ 1:22 AM ~

Doing nothing is great at times.
But when you want to do something to help others, or to make things better, yet there's nothing to be done, it don't feels good to feel helpless.

but somethings.. there's only some much one can do. up to others to control the final result.
the last time things happened, i thought.. if it happen again in future, it won't be too hard cos i'll learn to keep a faint dotted line to boost my immunity haha. wadever. things don't work like this. haha.

thinking of it... this is actually the last commitment we make to there. a last lap, yet we might not brave through it together. So many things happened now and then, perhaps the trust and believe have depleted bit by bit each time.. Though i still hope and pray that things will be good soon... no longer so strongly trust and believe that it will really be.

what is meant to be will be... but it is also up to all those involved to make things become what it is meant to be.

Friday, May 14, 2010

~ 7:13 PM ~

half a cup of white chocolate dream, a bottle of strawberry milk and a biscuit for these 2 days and i'm still not feeling hungry haha. I think I'm going to 成仙 already haha.

a great day that I thought will be last week ended up doing nothing at home. wake up, watch some show, read some book, nap. it will be good if its what I wanted to do... but its horrible when the mind is preoccupied with other things... argh.

~ 12:34 AM ~

I controlled them the whole day. Reached home, close my room door, and I let them go..
No... don't feel better, it just felt emptied haha.

Come think of it... Its largely my fault.. shouldn't have replied then. should have talked face to face to clear things out...

haix...
don't let it changes either any further... please...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

~ 12:23 AM ~

They never understand...

and it f. hurts every time. though i always thought i'll be able to take it when the time comes.. i'm never able to take it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

~ 1:40 AM ~

Today... a scenario of the future hits me. if just flashed through my mind..
the first reaction was rejection as usual. tt NO! it won't happen.
but after a moment of thinking.. I know there's a high chance that things might end up tt way.
it will be sad... sad sad.. but tt might be how things turned out eventually.. coz life is not always a fairy tale.

Have you tried standing in the middle of a see-saw and tried balancing on it when young? You have to constantly focus so that it remains balance.. its quite tiring.. and if you are distracted, or some external forces change the momentum of the see saw, you'll be unbalance.. sometimes you will be able to get back easily.. but there will also be times when you stumble and fall..

Some pple are afraid to stand on the see-saw coz they felt unbalance once they stepped up. Some tried, and they kept falling, and they gave up. Another group of people just have a better sense of balance, and could easily balance themselves on the see-saw. And of coz there are those who are not so good at balancing, but they never gave up and keep trying.. sometimes they are able to balance for only a few seconds, sometimes a few minutes, but they just never give up..

Which type of see-saw balancing kid are you?

Monday, May 10, 2010

~ 9:45 PM ~

ARGH!!! I think i lost my white watch that Cindy and gang gave me. shucks.

ya... it spoiled on cny... but its been hanging on my bottle these days... and few minutes ago i realised it missing... and can't find it anywhere.. hmm..

can't remember when's the last time i saw it... haix. I didn't lost it.. it grew legs and went out to explore :(

days are bad these days...

~ 12:31 AM ~

mummy's off to Genting... gotta spend $ for own food for these few days haha.

Genting... reminds me of our 'runaway'.. those dream-like 3 days. how i wish to re-live it over and over again. i doubt there will be any getaway anytime soon... our redang, diving, bangkok, mount k etc etc. doesn't seems to be happening... haix. well, someday someday bah...

right now.. day to day its a problem itself... don't even think about runway, getaway bah.

hmm... really rotting my days off at home these days... ARGH!

Friday, May 07, 2010

~ 2:36 AM ~

I guess... I blogged the most when I'm under stress...
and when I have a purpose in blogging, hoping to tell things tt I dunno how to in reality.

tt explains the frequent blogging for the last few months.
coz i noe. coz there's a purpose.
and the last month was mostly due to exam stress.. lol

now... exams are over.
no message to send across... coz i yet to figure out... can't blog in a confuse state. haha.
entries are getting lesser and lesser haha.

well well... some entries ago, talked bout the daily enlightenment site... shall share the enlightenment of 'Trying'.

September 28: Trying
http://www.buddhanet.net/flash/the-daily-enlightenment/index.html

A Zen saying says,
"When the Mind TRIES, the consciousness flickers."

Yoda, the Jedi Master from "Star Wars" says,
"Do or not do - there is no TRY."

Morpheus, Neo's trainer in "The Matrix" says,
"Stop TRYING to hit me and hit me!"

Stonepeace says,
"Hold something and TRY to drop it. Can you?"
"TRY not to think about a pink elephant. Can you?"

Zeph says,
"TRYING is the uncertainty,
the fickleness of the heart,
the half-heartedness of intention.
No one became enlightened by trying.
You have to be wholehearted to attain it."

But well... sometimes, somethings we can only say "I'll try". not because that you are half hearted, but coz we're uncertain. Because we can't be sure, we can't promise, therefore we can only say 'I'll try'. But one should always mean it when they say 'I'll try', and really try it... and its not enough to just try, one should TRY and DO their BEST. lol. a bit ironic when i put it down into words. and suddenly i seems to remembered having this conversation of 'Trying and Doing their best' with aunty &/or sw before haha.

well... my personal conclusion currently shall be... 'One can Try to achieve something by Doing one's best', which can also be argued to be that its then 'Doing something to one's best ability' lol. too chim le lar. haha.
think i'm not making anymore sense. lol. just let me rumble.... =/

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

~ 5:14 AM ~

my eyes hurt, my brain's tired. but i can't sleep.

gave up lying on bed and sit back infront of the com.

saw the time 05:05, date 05/05/10.

things seems to be good on the surface.. but just a bit deeper, everything seems wrong.
but i just can't figure out wad's wrong.

perhaps watching grey's anatomy sets me thinking too much ya. lol.

b4z4y3z4g4q4d3k4l4

Monday, May 03, 2010

~ 5:48 AM ~

exams are over but my body clock yet to turn back =X

but tonight... there's a sense of accomplishment! haha. =)
finally done up the new zhsj blog template structure.
many things like alignment etc. not finalise yet but well.. got the header up with structure.
but then... its still subjected to my ma'am's approval haha.

it seems like such a simle blog. but well. doing the picture itself, getting the alignment right is a headache le haha.

yet to figure out the xml coding too.
see till eyes blur... coz its sleeping time le... =X
goodnights peeps. i seriously need to turn back the body clock soon =/

Saturday, May 01, 2010

~ 2:51 AM ~

Today.. the first day of 'no guilt when doing other things'. Clear my sleep debts, prayed for blessings, went to ah ma house for dinner in the name of mother's day.

Not a bad day putting aside the fact that I might need to do investment again next sem keep appearing in my mind.. and somethings that make me wonder at night... but well. things are no longer in my control.

Today's daily inspiration. :)

Be okay
You don't know for certain what will happen tomorrow, or even later today.
So stop fighting against it, and don't waste your life with worry about what might or might not be.

Be okay with what will come, and you'll be able to handle it.
You'll even discover some pleasant surprises.

Make your very best plans to be as effective and as productive as you can be.
And be okay with the fact that everything won't go according to those plans.

Life is a process of constant change, and in that change is powerful energy.
In that change there are always new possibilities being born.

Be eager to explore the new treasures that each moment brings.
Look for the value and goodness in every new circumstance, and you'll surely find them.

Be okay with not knowing exactly what will come.
For whatever it is, you will know what to do to make your life and your world the best it can be.

-- Ralph Marston

well well, i tends to worry too much, think too much since young. When I'm young, I will even worry bout things like if my house will be burn down when we're outside. haha. Till I finally learn how not to worry bout these daily life things. if not there will be endless things for me to worry about.

Though I don't worry bout such silly stuff now.. I still tends to worry alot. haha. bout pple who matters, bout my own stuff, bout many many things that are not in my control . and many times, life showed me that these worrying is useless... still in the process of learning not to worry so much. :)