Wednesday, September 22, 2010
~ 11:21 PM ~
The last week been a long week..
(and this is going to be a long entry...)
while the last month projects was horrible and i wonder how i get through everyday.. this time round was a different thing totally.
For the first few days how i tried to get something out of the books, journals, articles, my essay window was still blank.. on Friday, i gave up. something snapped somewhere.. i just gave up.
can't figure out what happen myself..
so many things in life, no matter how tough i hanged in there, yes.. many times i said "Argh! want give up le" but still continue with it.. yes many times i'm slow, but i kept going..
something just went wrong this time round..
tt night, stared blankly at the screen and wonder bout lots of things..
stood at the window and pray for the scary thoughts to go away..
my scary thoughts always frighten me too..
itch and pains add on to the thoughts flying around..
i've even took out something i've hang up for support..
even hugging myPrince and myKing-mini don't help..
tt night i took the coward way.. i ran away from everything and hide under my blanket..
Normally i ran away from responsibility before I got it.. don't remember that i ever ran away from one that i already have and hide.. but actually giving up don't feel good.. in fact it sux.. its the feeling of failure.. and to make it worse you're the one who chose it.
tt night i failed horribly.
tt night was 170910..
its a night i'll like to stay up and not sleep.. but not at home.. not alone..
tt night was meant to be the 3rd cyclohunt.. haha. not that i've ever thought we'll be going this year though..
but well.. when i send the email.. i did hope.. just a little bit. lol.
doesn't matter. haix.
its just one of the things that we didn't manage to do together the third time..
180910.. happily went out like my world didn't tumble.. like nothing else matters..
enjoyed myself though :) its been so long the last time we've played arcade!
hmm.. i can't even remember when.. not the last hols.. don't think its the last last hols as well.. oh! i think its cny period with the tigger.. ah.. then went play bball.. yup tt time.. haha. i just need to recall things =/
anyway.. aunty caught herself 3 toys.. haha. i think the whole marina knew tt lol. those happy times catching toys toys.. i miss..
same day.. went to see lishi zhenwei POP lo! haha. those who i brought to buy uniform 5 years ago?
time for us to retire soon le.. haha.
was at neesoon camp.. no ndp memories though.. different parade square..
got other memories though.. hmm. though things have been proven over and over again.. i'll still say i'll t.a.b
yes i'm an idiot who don't learn my lesson.. perhaps its not impt if i t.a.b in the first place..
i'll still be there no matter what. but hopefully i've really learn my lesson that i need to speak up..
ai.. very off topic. nvm.
so after a day of heck care.. bought milk tea.. pick myself up.. told myself to cut all the crap and continue with the shit and just get over it.. no more nonsense. and i noe.. i've might have huge consequences to pay.. I can only hope and pray.. tt night i said.. "PnP to keep going.. to continue moving on long after i thought i can't.. for everything in life. dgmibb".. I hope so..
190910, 200910
don't remember much.. just struggled through and got over it.. hope that things won't be too bad.. hope its a consequence that i can still bear with..
these 2 dates..
its the date of cyclohunt 2009. :)
after cycling went to aunty place and camp on her floor as usual..
and off we went to JB together~
ok there's other stuff in between..
its a day i could still remember it so clearly.. its just like a video playing..
tt's also the day my hard disk crashed.
i'm crushed. remember being horrible.. and how i thought she's pissed..
but thank god i managed to retrieve quite a lot stuff back.. though some were lost..
and i was told.. "wat's meant to be will be.. learn from it.. stay strong.. almighty will bless us in one way or another.." some water dropped then.. haha.
i need the same advice right now.. stay strong and will be bless..
but this time round i'll be the one who will tell myself that..
200910 night time went to settle remaining responsibilities..
not very sure of myself what's the stand i'm having right now..
no more joy.. but to see them getting worse don't feel good too.. hmm.
but then.. i'm just a river. i dunno.. walk and see ba..
210910
finally a day to take a bit of break.. no lessons.. but project in the afternoon.. and i see lots of proj meetings ahead :( haiz.
ok let's cont' 2209 on a new post haha.
