goodnight world!

Battle Round 2.. chui. =/ haiz.
didn't feel that bad when doing.. still able to squeeze stuff out.. but when came out.. I realise there's so much things I've missed out. not that I don't know, but just didn't think of applying it to the question.. and everyone seems to be confident and sure of what they've written.. it feels like how it is the other time after Coms Law.. and tt's seriously not good. =X need lots of blessing for this paper =/

its been a long time since i stayed up the whole night and went for exams straight.. was totally gone after the exams but still have to hang in there for an interview.. in the morning when meet up with the rest in school, its quite a sight to see all zombified. lol. everyone is like 'how many hrs you slept?' and its like '1hr, 2hr, and a few never sleep' lol. though after paper they all look happy.. =/

rush down for interview.. think its going to be quite an interesting job.. :) though the pay is quite little due to the shorter working hrs as compared to the past.. its going to be a different experience and also a trial to see if its a direction i'll indeed like to pursue if given the chance..

came back and immediately went into coma.. feels great after the sleep haha. good to know i'm not the only one who sleep for so long after seeing the facebook status of the rest of the clique who also just woke up at bout 11+ haha. and if they went home straight after lunching in school.. they sleep even more than me lor! haha.

after exams.. i ask around.. and Curina said she saw it during enrolment.. haiz. so i'm not dreaming.. ask the staff and they direct me to someone in the office.. gave me a bit of hope.. but.. nope they don't have it.. :( haiz. something broke off today too.. though there's another one but.. its just different too.. i'm trying not to think so much bout it..

yesterday night while studying.. I've enough of thinking.. it just kept coming again.
while struggling to remember all the theories.. other things kept creeping in too.. i forgotten what trigger them but ya.. haiz.
everytime before and after a paper.. there's still a part of me always hoping to see the blinking light indicating an unread sms. hmm.. ya there's message actually.. haha. just not.. lol.
after paper the first instinct was also to call/sms and scream i'm dead! haha. and niam bout the paper.. then tell stories bout the happening in the hall.. haha. these days if someone happen to sms me, they'll then receive the 'I'm dead!' message haha.. if not I'll just scream to myself and 苦笑at my own agony.. haha.

'We're like that, too long never meet.. and when meet will have a lot of stories to tell each other'.. once said.
Its been a long time..
sometimes there's incidents and stuffs that are 'story-worthy' that in the past i'll randomly msn, sms, call.. and start telling story.. now i just smile and keep a note if one day... one day..
and i realise.. even to others.. i seldom randomly sms anymore.. seems that everyone is having their own life going on.. and not sure if i'm 'fitting' in at the right time not.. and if they don't reply i'll wonder if i did something wrong.. 渐渐的don't do these random stuff anymore.. haha. i miss it though.. how i can just send a word or 2 over and they know.. haha.   
(omg.. its playing 'we are one' by westlife.. i don't need more emo stuff.. haha)
sometimes when i had a glimpse of the other's life.. i wonder how's things going.. guess there's lots of 'stories'.. and guess I won't have a chance to hear them.. will miss those random stories.. haha.
i dunno how's things going.. but from what I'm allowed to see.. Jiayou!!
though not beside.. but will always be around..  


haha this is a very random post with all the random stuff.. 
ok.. back to study.. =/

You've Got a Friend - McFly
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend

i'm worried.. no should be very worried =S for the next paper in few hrs time =/
haiz.. just do it ba!
like what i always say.. 'Do my best and God will do the rest' haha. 自己安慰自己的话lol.
afterall last few sems 也是这样熬了过来..
phtab.. :)

the best time of the day these days are about 3+ 4a.m.. somehow miraculously the block nose will be unblock, fever and headache will be gone.. just in the mood to study. Horrible screwed up body clock.. haiz.

well at least getting work done =) till the body starts to shut down about 6+.. ya somehow the body seems to be working on shorter and shorter working hours =/ few more days! i just need few more days and clear all 4 modules successfully.. praying hard.. ipsimtab ya..

haha just realised my long long words are missing a word.. just proved my point of my previous post.. through words and messages the message always end up a bit off.. haha.

back to study.. :S must make full use of this 'prime' time lol.
but right now studying finance.. don't really understand what its talking about =/ the theory wise.. still able to calculate though.. haha. just reading first and try more questions later bah.. remind me of what sw always said 'don't understand, just read la. make own sense. can't remember as well as others, read more times than them' haha.
midnight studying makes me.. just a little bit..

tsk. study la Hong!

Yesterday, 261010, tuesday.. I'm almost totally out of this world for 1 day..
groggy.. only know i was drifting in and out of lala land..
not sure what went wrong.. a very bad flu i guess.. terrible headache, awful block nose, feverish as usual and whole body was aching..

woke up, tried to study but ended up nodding off at the table with a bad neck ache on top of the headache as a result.. nothing is getting in, took 2 panadol and sleep.. hoping that the next time i wake up can be more productive..

woke up with a very dry mouth and throat.. nose block totally. on the com and was thinking of using it awhile and start work.. and before i know.. the flu medication made me drift off to lala land again. even computer can't make me stay awake..
and the cycle just cont'..

medication seldom make me concuss. normally just drowsy but i can still stay awake.. but yesterday was horrible.. though today nose was still block.. and head is still heavy.. its better than yesterday and i'm not taking anymore medication.. need to study!! haiz. =/ gotta hang in there! like we always say.. "its all in the mind.." perhaps i repeat to myself that more often I'll be alright soon.. =X haha.

hmm.. i never know what's the right thing to say at the right time..
sometimes i don't even know when to say 'hi', 'bye'..
reminded me of the discussion we once had about me speaking up, argue it rather than just gave in with 'ok lor'..
but then.. one of the few times i tried to do that.. hasn't things show that once i tried to elaborate my point, it will often make things turn bad.. the last time proven the point.. and no matter how much i try to make things better later don't seems to work too.. haiz.
its just easier to keep to myself.. but that doesn't mean I don't care.. I care too much.. to risk doing things wrong.. tt's y i always say i'll be there.. cos tt's the only thing i know, to show my presence and support that i care.. cos if i'm not there.. my words, messages will most prob ended up interpreted wrongly, sound totally different and make things worse.. haha.
I should stick to the 'ok?' style rather than the 'are you ok?'.. haha.

take care k! !wsbberacekat

it reminded me of the dream i had sometimes ago regarding 'is my friend'... if anyone remember haha..
有着那种安慰..

hmm.. also realised something else.. well suspected that.. just a confirmation indeed. haiz.
just sad to know ii'm no longer in the private circle ba.. haha.
but then.. i know too well to think that i'll still be in..

241010.. a new first.. first 10k alone.
The physical run itself was not too bad.. the weekly runs help.. haha.
First 3k was good.. just like the normal run dist. i normally do.. and without the slopes.. its even better..
the next 2k was not bad.. slower but still feeling ok.
then the next 2k.. pushing myself to cont.. and tt's where all the slopes come in as well.. =/
the last 3k was harder than expected.. lots of 'self talking'..
reach within my targeted time.. happy enough. :)

but.. its a lonely run..
stayed focus on running.. keep going.. looking for pple to be my pacer..
have to stay focus cos' if not memories and thoughts will creep in.. and once they're in.. they will be running with me.. haha.
thinking how its going to be 4x of today for 42.. its horrifying..
I might end up at crazy talking with myself lol.

nike 10k is always something special..
its the first run i ever had other than the 2.4 runs and cross country in school lol.
its also the first run with them.. :)
nike run was always the time when they get me going and pulled me along for the last 1k to the ending point..
though being pulled along result in breathing difficulty haha.. running past the finishing line hand in hand almost dead was always something i'll always remember for nike run.. lol.

came back and slept the whole afternoon away.. i'm dead with my first paper tml..
but well.. can't sleep yesterday night.. though before climbing into bed i was super duper tired..
was feverish then.. air con was cold..
too many things running.. drenched my pillow.. very tired eyes today..
tossing and turning.. can't sleep..
and for 1 sec, i felt that i'm at... like the past.. before races and events..
air con was often too cold sleeping below.. always can't really fall asleep.. and alarm always seems to ring straight after i fell asleep.. haha.
for that 1 sec..
after that i lol at myself.. i think tt will never happen again anymore..

比陌生人还陌生..
i dunno how to..  as time pass.. it seems to get harder.. not easier lol.
but.. good enough to know everything's well.. good enough..

最怕空气突然安静 (虽然到处并不安静，心却是那么的安静，那么的孤独）
最怕朋友突然的关心 （也习惯笑着对朋友说, '没什么', '这样咯'）
最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息 （自己坐在那等她人， 想着朋友的关心，想着过去的回忆... 心绞痛，泪水打转.. 这时她们来到， 要拍照.. 马上灿烂地对着镜头笑了.. 幸好手机摄影并不高清晰， 因为若是清晰的， 眼力的泪光将无法隐藏..)

back to study again... zzz. hopefully tml's paper is manageable..

haiz. i didn't see this coming. my stupidity.
let's just see what life has for me tomorrow.
its hard to t, to b anymore..
its proven over and over again it doesn't work haha.

well.. there's so much i can do.. 
i really thought at least will try harder.. well, perhaps.. i dunno.
no more hard feeling these days..
no longer try hard to insist.. life has shown me enough instances that forcing something to happen won't lead to something good.. haha.
though pain is inevitable no matter how much i try haha.
but well.. i'll get over it.. 开心就好
i'll just continue do my part, what i can and be there..

at least i'll learn how its going to be alone.. a preview for the upcoming dec 42..

'哀' 你跳了那么久.. 累了吧？ 该是到 '喜' 和 '乐' 起舞了吧...

tonight is one of those nights when things keep coming..
keep running through my head..
told myself to stay focus and study..
but haiz.
haha i shall blame it my body.. lol.
late for so long.. making me so emo these days.. haha.

stayfocus stayfocus stayfocus!!

if my knee is not aching right now.. if the psi is not at a freaking 100+.. i'll love a run to throw everything out of my mind..

won't it be good that i can just make a wish and the fairy god mummies will make everything alright?

but don't ask me what is the definition of alright.. cos i dunno..

i was thinking those facebook status today bout the haze was perhaps exaggerating.. till i get out of home to buy some stuff.. ok its really bad =/
good thing that its not that bad when i went for a run yesterday.. even so i felt the throat being very dry during the run.. hopefully by sunday the air will be much clearer..

and its back to study.. :S

guess something went wrong with the run yesterday..
knee aching today with a problematic ankle.. =/

haiz. struggling with all the stuff to remember..
and can't seems to stay awake..
hmm.. wonder how i manage with much lesser sleep last time..
age is catching up.. =/ haha.

realise during dinner time that now channel U shows PTS the second series at 6pm.. haha
PTS.. lol. those days we'll laugh at how they march and thinking of the things they do and could implement it for our trainings.. haha. will discuss the show during all the commercial break on msn.. haha
memories.. 回忆突然翻滚..
tt day.. 朋友突然的关心..
and somehow its always so coincident that once someone ask.. someone else will ask..
its always 2 different ppl asking around the same day.. 
haha its ok 习惯 le ba.. haha

omg.. 五月天-突然好想你 is stuck in my head again! =/

视而不见.. 听而不闻.. ngxjh.. :)

ARGH!! ended up doing the other stuffs again.
the result of R for the wrong things? the result of being geigao? or perhaps simply the lack of focus.. =/
but well at least i cleared everything there and don't have to touch it for this week le.. provided they send me proper stuff and i don't have to be geigao over their work. haha..
doing what I'm doing 2 years ago bring back certain memories.. all the together.everyone.achieve.more. haha.
haha. send quite a long 'briefing' email.. and there i'm thinking.. 'a bcc worthy email' lol.

haiz. just now.. i tried finding though i know it shouldn't be there.. but i just search for it.. and of course i didn't found it.. haiz.
Fever kept finding me though. its like on clockwork. Once reach the night it will come find me :S
oh well at least other than feeling cold, yet warm.. its not causing too much problem.. so.. just be it bah..

haiz. back to study.

‎"You never lose some people when you let them go; Because, you find them living in you." - Pravsworld
you let go cos' you know they're happier that way. they live in you cos' you will always be there for them..

settling down to really focus.. only 1 damn week left. must make myself push the other stuff aside.
haiz abit regretting taking it on.. haiz. should have said no when given what i don't want.
cleared my table.. though not really neat but things are in order and have a place to push the laptop aside for the books :) with my dear giant in the room.. no place to open another table haha.

but haiz. panadol doesn't seems to help...
Murphy's law is proving itself true in my life 2010.
anyway Murphy's law states that 'Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong'.

can't take it.. shall eat another panadol and sleep early.. hopefully can wake up earlier.. haiz.

the fever is back.. damn it.

The last entry was one of those times when everything doesn't seems to matter anymore and I just write whatever I felt..

but the after effect of that, after the impulsive feeling is gone.. is always awkward for myself. Its like getting drunk or something and you ended running around naked only to be totally embarrass bout it the next day.. haha. ok.. not so extreme lar. perhaps 0.1% of that feeling ba.. lol.

went back to school to find again.. but its still not at the lost and found counter.. haiz.
will it ever comes back? only thing i can do is to keep going back and ask..
i'm becoming paranoid of losing everything right now.. but even so.. i bet i'll still lost something soon..
心不知跑去了哪里..these few days keep 心不在焉.. haiz. just now i alighted at YCK instead of khatib without realising.. only realise when i'm about to go down the escalator.. =/

i guess i'll never be able to catch up with them anymore.. they seems to be going faster while i'm still going slow.. doesn't matter whether i've been trying or not, its the end result that matter.. and i doubt i'll be able to follow their pace.. afterall i've been lagging behind them all these while.. just that they will always wait for me.. but don't think they'll be doing that for me for the next one.. haha. i'm on my own..

another thing.. i realised today.. how i'm in fact afraid that this little thing stop too.. pls don't. bybgw totally... =/

someone fb status said 'smile, even if it's a sad smile, cos sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile at all... =)'
saw it on the bus.. and i tried to smile.. but 鼻子酸酸的 =/

haiz. but whatever shit comes along.. life still goes on. 

i read my own post and i felt like scolding myself..
haha.

Hong ar Hong.. why did you let things and people matter to you so much?
you always said you'll learn.. you said you'll learn to detach, to be independent..
but eventually everyone who read your blog can see how much you're still depending on others.. on small little things you held so dear to you heart.

the smile, the strong front others see when you meet them.. is nothing but a mask.
you will never really learn..

I seriously tot that the worse things that can happen these days will be horrible mugging with some emo-ness now and then.. and maybe my fever that comes and goes..
life once again show me how wrong i am..

and to show me that.. It made another thing of mine that I held so precious disappear..
yesterday when realising it gone.. i told myself 'its at home or its at school. i'll find it..'.
when i came home and can't find it.. i still tell myself 'its at school, its at school.'
that's the only way i can keep myself calm and not go crazy..
but when i went back to school today and can't find it anymore..
its just like the dam that i tried to hold everything back broke and everything hits me at the same time..
i don't know what to do anymore..
i stayed and search the whole hall thrice.. i walk around trying to spot it somewhere.. i didn't.
how i hope someone will sms to tell me 'Hey yesterday play with you, return to you the next time' and return it back to me..
but i doubt that's ever going to happen..
i can only pray that the lost and found counter call me on monday to inform me that someone found it..

2 weeks ago, i lost my necklace and pendent.
though sad.. I took it in stride.. cos i know if i ask daddy will eventually buy one for me, and i choose to believe that it's lost to 'help' me in some ways..

Today when i can't find it.. though its much cheaper in price as compared to the necklace and pendent, its value can't be measured in price.. its priceless to me..
its something that I'll never find anymore.. a new one will never meant the same..
and i can't help but think.. if i really can't find it.. if i really lost it.. is it because its never meant to be mine?

It seems that everything is leaving one by one..
perhaps its soon my turn haha. perhaps.. at least i won't be tortured to go through such agony anymore..
it hurts. its just like how i lost the tortoise the other time.. just 100x worse.. cos even then i've them by my side..

i dunno wad else i can do to get it back.. i can just pray very very hard..
but.. so much have happened.. sometimes its getting a bit hard to trust & believe in trusting and believing..
haix. but have faith is the only thing i can do.. i know no other ways..

losing almost everything that matters
with not much that really matters left..
hahahahahahahahhahahaha. damn.
with all the crap i think i'm going to be dead for this exams..

but even with my world tumbling down, when i pray so hard for my world to be alright..
i realised they'll always still be part of my prayers.. i always pray that we'll always be sasath.. no matter where, no matter what..
perhaps tt's why nothing ever comes true these days.. cos there's the saying that you can only pray for one thing at a time.. haha
but i just can't leave them out.. haha. perhaps they being alright will make my world alright bah.. lol
tml 1710.. have agrtmf..

haiz haiz.. not sure wad's going on for the past few days..
things just don't feel right..

121010.. went to school for the last lesson of sem 5..
lol i noe i noe.. last week i've said its the last lesson.. but i forgotten bout the make up lesson this week.. haha.
ya anyway.. took a bus that i've never took before to bugis..
and it brought me to half of Singapore.. and going round and round..
somehow the long bus ride make me emo.. lol.
not sure why.. just that started thinking bout lots of things again..
and well.. the usual feeling came to me again..

perhaps its where i'm going, perhaps its the shirt i'm wearing..
and later on i realised that its the 12th again..
perhaps being on the 12th explained everything..

so fast ya.. next one it will be half a year le..

hmm.. tt being yesterday, I can't really remember what i'm thinking le.. but well.. just the usual ba..
anyway.. tt mood made me feel like running away.. cycling to somewhere..
planned to cycle when i reached home..
but.. dunno where to cycle to.. don't really feel comfortable to cycle alone too.. haha. its just.. can't put a word to it.. perhaps i'm just not use to it bah..
ended up running.. after 2 weeks of not running.. not counting the tri.. felt not too good haha.
but well the timing showed to be ok though. so not too bad haha.
running.. cleared the mind too..

i seriously need to be more focus on my studying.. less than 2 weeks.. i'm really really going to die die die.. argh! don't know what i'm doing today as well.. haiz.
forget bout blogging.. don't know what i'm typing anyway.. 
horrible focus these days.. haiz.
nitez.

i know that i'm on my own.. i've made myself know that..
i just need more time to get use to it..

May tomorrow be a better day.. please...

101010.. nothing special haha.
just that its 3 '10's together..
just that i remembered being awake at 0505 on 050510 and someone said something..
and tt's just few days before..

told myself that come Monday.. its the end of fun and laughter.. time to get down to study le..
sorting out my notes.. and just by looking at them.. i know i'm going to die.. =/
haiz.. seems to be having fever soon.. swallowed 2 panadols today.. argh..
i don't need a visit from fever right now.. =X hope tt its nothing serious.. 

when i see photos that capture beautiful scenery like this, i hope that such places really exist and not make nice by editing or photoshop..

looking at such photos, i always hope that i'll be able to see such beautiful scenery one day.. with my backpack, my buddies and me..

photos with lots of stars like this always bring me back to the night in berkelah.. sitting outside the tent with darl and sw.. singing our own camp songs.. looking at the star filled sky.. seeing shooting star fly by..  :)
memories.. great memories..

Just when i thought that I'll be alright.. things will be better..
somethings just have to hit me again and show me that it still hurts..
it shouldn't be..

some people are just blessed in life.. just that they'll never realise..
i know that i'm blessed too.. but just not as blessed as them..
they have what i don't have..

'You'll never how strong you are, until you have no choice but to be strong..' - Unknown

read my previous entry on my way to school in the afternoon.. and i realised.. i must be half awake when i'm writing it and proof-reading it yesterday night. lol.
so many horrible mistakes which totally change the meaning lol. all the missing 'not' and stuff here and there.. haha edited it..
and can't imagine i still manage to be doing things after that..
guess tt's why i've been stupidly clicking on wrong things after tt..
doing things tt i don't know what i'm doing.. perhaps its 注定
yes its me.. what goes around comes around.. karma exists.
若要人不知，除非己莫为... i'm wrong.. will learn from it and hope won't be a next time.


hmm.. tml.. last lesson of the sem.. i haven bind my notes.. haha.
haiz. time to start getting the mood to study le..
very tired.. shall get my sleep and not end up typing nonsense here again.. lol.

The last few days had been crazy.. Tired Tired Super Duper Tired sums up my mental and physical state since Sunday.. project sleep project eat project project project.. lol.

After coming back from tri, no time to rest.. :( finish my part and meet up with the rest.. and... it lasted into the morning.. only reach home at about 5am. was totally brain dead then. my body and brain lasted for 24hrs with 'use' and not nua-ing haha. and before i know.. we're meeting again. zzz. but well.. Finally ITS OVER! :)

haha though i've nearly knock my head against the wall trying to bring my point across which sometimes i just gave up, its interesting to see the couple argue to bring their point across.. haha. normally i just sit there and see the tempers flare.. lol. he just want it his way.. think only we 2 can tahan haha. no wonder the 2 guys never ever been in the same group.. i think they might start fighting haha.

sunday.. tri.. a happening tri.. lol.
can't load the result yet though some pple can see le..
but i'm either to get a long long bike lap timing or a DNQ time..
but overall its a race that felt quite good throughout..
good swim though i'm still very slow.. =/ but didn't felt the usual 'I'm dying!'
even after coming out of the water still can jog abit haha.
didn't need to rest much as well.. get on the shirt and ready to go..
though the mud created some problem pushing the bike out.. lol

the bike lap was the happening part! lol.
it started off good.. though had a little leg cramp halfway.. was feeling quite alright.. keeping my pace with a group of road bikes in sight..
but then.. i stupidly didn't turn right when i'm suppose to though i'm keeping for a lookout for it -_-
off i go all the way till the end which make 6.6km instead of the 5km.. lol.
ok lar its only 1.6k more.. lucky its on bike so ok haha.
though halfway i did realise that i'm on the wrong route.. there's no way i can turn back haha.
things don't just stop there.. lots of accidents on the way..
saw 4 of them in total, 2 of them i'm the 'onlooker', 1 of them i'm the 'main cast', and then the '配角' for the last one haha.
yes.. had my first fall in a race.. =/
well i'll say 3 parties.. myself, the other guy and the volunteer.. are all slightly in the wrong.. i'm the main 'culprit' ba.. my own fault =/
was u-turning on my second lap, oncoming were coming fast.. when there's a gap, the volunteer signaled me out and i thought i will be able to cut in in time, but then the other guy came down fast fast and hit my back wheel.. fortunately he didn't fell.. afterall its my fault.
and luckily not a very serious fall on my part.. just cuts on the usual knees, elbows and hands.. just can't grip the handlebar tightly only haha. not long after my fall.. near the ending point saw this guy being hit and fell..
everyone speed by him and asked 'are you ok?' and though he answered 'NO!' no one stopped.
ok lar actually another guy stopped the same time as me.. then he rush off to get the medic..
lol since my timing is already screwed up with the extra distance.. the flying off bike incident.. decided to stop since he really looked quite bad.. helped him to bring his bike to the side and helped him up..
lucky no broken bones.. when he said he can't move his hand when i remove his bike, i'm like thinking 'Fracture? will his arm remain on the floor when he move like the case tt sw always say? nothing to immobilise him leh' lol.
but think he's quite serious.. his tights were ripped off.. if didn't remember wrongly its a 2XU and i'm thinking.. 'tt's at least about $70 gone (if he got it during a sales)' =X
Stayed with him till the FA guy came over.. throughout he's cursing and swearing at the 'irresponsible cyclist who just cut in from the right.. How could he!!'  he was totally pissed lol.

end of the 'happening' stuff.. went back to transition and almost everyone was gone.. guess there might be some who already ended ba.. hang my bike and slowly get out to run..
felt that its not too bad for a tri..
though was still breathless but was not having difficulty breathing like usual too.. i guess cos i've 'rested' when i stopped to help tt guy..
but still having the prob that legs can't move properly after the bike leg.. lol.
all in all was not too bad though i'll hope to go faster during the run..
during the run lap i'm totally focus to make sure i didn't miss the turning point for my dist. cos most of them are actually running for sprint then.. was asking the volunteers at several junctions.. and at the junctions i'm suppose to turn, the volunteer uncle there was on the phone and i didn't asked him.. luckily he managed to spot me last min and signaled me to turn. haha if not ar.. lol. running is not like cycling.. every meters make a big different! lol.
when running out there's a group of angmo mothers at the first water point.. guess they're looking out for their kids.. and i heard one said something like 'bleeding','scar' and then cheered '1027! press on!!' and when i was finishing the run, heading towards the finishing line, she cheered '1027! Good Run!' lol. simple encouragement like this is motivating.. :) 

oops.. today is indeed a nua-ing day.. i've been on off typing this for the whole day.. just checked the results and its finally out! and there's no DNQ for the bike lap! haha.
hmm.. i think i know why.. lucky the 5k mat that will clock the timing is after the turning point and not before the turning point.. so even though i went the longer way.. i'll still clock my timing on my way back.. :) lol. but well its a long long time =/ the extra 1.6k, the fall + after the fall, helping the guy.. can help to shave off about 10mins? lol.

well doesn't matter la haha. Its not the end results that matter.. its the journey.. :)
not a bad journey for this race.. haha.

for the rest of the things.. well.. i didn't expect anything..
i'm contented.. its good enough.. 知足常乐ya haha.
but it'll never be without a tinge of 感叹 lol i can't think of a eng word to describe it.. a mixture of sadness, disappointment and some unknown feeling wheneve i think of how things eventually turns out..

previously was thinking should i just cycle home.. but after the race with my painful palm and its getting late.. need to rush back to do project.. took a cab back..
cycled down to the mac taxi stand.. and i realised.. its the first time i'm cycling alone with giant..
first time big giant and small giant are separated.. and won't know if they'll meet again..
cycling alone on ECP.. ecp gave me lots of memories in 2009.. flashbacks and flashbacks..
overwhelming but have learnt how to deal with them.. :)
when almost reaching home.. the radio started playing 'Right here waiting' lol. tt's also the song being played as we walk out of paya lebar air base after runway cycling.. haha. yes. i remember such little details and try to get meaning out of them. =/ lol. daddy saw my bike and i think he thought things were alright le cos he said 'wa 脚车xt帮你载回来了wor, 很久没有看到她了ar..' haha. 

There's no rewind button, we won't be able to teleport back to the past, things will never be the same.
just hoping that perhaps one day we'll be friends again.. maybe not the best or even close.. but just the usual friends like all the rest.. for now i think tt will be good enough.. :)

but but but.. despite a good race.. something very bad happen out of Sunday..
and i only realised on Monday..
i've lost my necklace.. i really can't understand when where how.. :(
took it off when i'm packing my stuff in transition area before the race start..
placed it nicely in the nike pouch.. and when i took out the pouch to put my phone when cycling to the taxi stand.. is no longer there..though i didn't realise it then.. but the fact that i can put my phone in means it not there already ya..
and the amazing thing is that i've always thought that i'm wearing the necklace .. i thought i put it on after bathing.. coz i saw sw put hers on.. and was thinking i've already wore mine..
but come think of it.. i never took out the pouch nor took anything out of it..
seems that it just disappeared.. was wondering did i put it into the wrong bag as well.. =/ but quite impossible cos i remember my pouch!.. haiz.. only other time i can think of is that it drop out when i took out the pouch bah.. but quite impossible too cos the $2 note inside the pouch was still there..
haiz. it really just disappear lor! haha.
sad sad.. and its an ex ex necklace + pendent + frame.. haiz.
when i told daddy tt i lost it.. he just said '不见了就不不见了， 算了'
well.. jade pendent is meant to protect and bless.. lost and broken normally are being seen to be helping you to avert somethings..
well.. superstitious ya.. but i can only think of it this way ba..
but without it now 也好不习惯 haiz.. :(

well finally finish this long entry after more than 12hrs lol..

tired.. tired.. horribly tired..
project for the whole of today till dinner before celebrating my stupid bro's 20 lo!
nearly wanted to kill someone or myself during project today..
totally no link.. think i nearly vomited 2 basins of blood =/
on top of that.. there's also something else tt's making me ARGH! the whole day..
haiz. never fail to make me feel that way..
the other one.. not much better..
aiya its ok.. 看得好开好开 haha.

yesterday 1 Oct.. Happy Children Day! haha.
not bad :) met up with mazi, jas, siying for a very impromtu dinner haha.
really just chill.. it feels good.. no worries, no sadness..
though some places did trigger the 'play' button in my mind.. smile..

oh.. was walking around yesterday.. before meeting the rest since lesson ended early..
tt day when i'm 无所事事地逛街， heard someone saying bout Children's Day present.. i got the urge to get Children Day presents too.. haha then i stopped myself and told myself to stop being silly..
yesterday.. walking around.. everywhere was having 'Children's Day Sales!'..
i ended buying Children's Day presents.. lol.
just like how i bought the pancake tortoise coin pouches years ago.. haha..
一时冲动 haha.. then after tt so paiseh to give them.. lol.

Think this time round.. the presents will be staying with me forever haha..
won't see the chance to give.. lol. perhaps i won't have the courage too.. lol.
yes i'm silly.. 

ok! time to sleep! haha yes SLEEP! hopefully by 2300h. haha. still packing..
going to be a long day tomorrow.. 
hopefully will be a good race tomorrow.. though i can foresee struggling at sea already =/
hope for a good ride and run ba! :) haha.
the rest.. let's see what God has planned.. :)
haiz.. and then.. have to chiong back for More Project meeting after tt..! waiting for 6 Oct to be here.. =/
though tt's the end of proj.. its the start of mugging.. haiz.
JY ba! :)

Have a grtmf..