its a bit weird today when wishing other Happy Birthday after receiving the message..
but like the pastor said.. death and birth.. all part of life..
as we 'celebrate' either, we're celebrating Life..

291110 Happy Birthday to Mazi!! 10 years of friendship.. :)

301110 will be Happy Birthday bbsw..
hmm.. all the wishes and blessings..
lol. words i won't be able to express..
actually 该说，不该说的 all been said before le lol..
only know that i'll always be around..
haha can say that i'm stubborn ba lol =P

today when i received the news..
i can't help but think..
its a message to tell me..
Alive, Safe, Truly Happy.. these are 3 things that are one of the most important in one's life..
with these, the others don't really matter
hoping that for them.. other things that comes along would be additional gifts..

sasath..

first day of the 'p.u.s.h' week..
and first thing in the morning i've received the news that Ms. Nathan had passed on..
get to learn later today when we went for her service that its a sudden heart attack that occurred at her home where she lived alone.. she left the world on 27th and was only found this morning.. and the coincidence that i actually met Mr Ang at raffles city on the 27th.. and the incident reminded me of Mr. Tan..

remembered not that long ago I was still describing Ms. Nathan to someone.. haha.. Her loud sneeze, the interesting ways that she teach haha.. and suddenly she's gone..

was like a mini IJ meetup at the service tonight.. lots of familiar teachers faces.. some familiar Innovian faces.. and those younger Innovians.. S45 had our dinner meetup after that.. but it was a sad thing that we only came together and meet up under such circumstances.. who knows perhaps.. hmm. nvm haha.
well.. hope we meet up more often and not under such circumstances any more!

hmm.. 2010 was a bad year afterall.. think i've attended at least 5 funerals and there's more that I've known of but didn't attend.. haiz.
Heart attack.. the guy that I'm doing his work at work was also on long term leave due to heart attack..
hmm.. hmm.. all the signs..


its the first Catholic service that i've attended.. its peaceful.. and Catholics believed that a new life begins with the Lord after they left this world.. we never know what's the afterlife like.. but such a thought comfort the living who believed in it..


I’m Free
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free
I’m following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
 
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee
God wanted me now; He set me free.

That's the poem they ended the service with before we moved on to the viewing gallery for the cremation..
'If my parting has left a void, Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, Oh yes, these things I too will miss.' 
A nice verse..

if i'm gone.. yes.. these will be the things I'll so miss..


the poem also reminded me of something we've previously joked before..
the one who's gone first is the 'better person'.. cos god love him to much and want him by His side.. lol.
though we're always able to joke bout death, plan our funerals.. and seems to be able to face it..
i wonder.. at the moment death's right infront of me.. will i be able to take it in stride..
lol. I won't know till its too late ya haha. won't want to know it anytime soon too.. =/
not up to me to decide though..

hmm.. Rest in Peace Ms. Nathan.. you'll always be remembered by S45..

haiz.. why does the weekend fly by so fast.. haha.

bought Giant out for a ride first time alone.. hmm..
planned to ride the newly built North Park Connector that was introduced in the news last week or so..
but.. its a disappointment.. more of a disconnector.. =/ Khatib to Sembawang was still ok if close one eye..
the sembawang area is confusing with no proper signs around..
and though Khatib to Sembawang there's the connector, its not a good ride with too many people walking on the bike lane despite having a pavement for them.. and there's lots of 'non-singaporeans' riding around.. some quite recklessly..
well.. ended up at a dead end of the PCN in Sembawang and decided to turn back instead.. phone was running out of batt lol.
well perhaps I shall start riding from the other direction the next time..

well though i complained bout it.. i think the effort by the govt to build these PCN is commendable.. just that there's still much rooms for improvement.. and of cos' Singaporeans still have quite a long way to go to be 'Bike Friendly' lol.
but i think the PCN will be a good route to run though.. erm but the distance abit far ar lol.

tried to inflate my bike tires at the petrol station.. lol can't figure out.. not sure if i'm inflating or deflating it..
eventually managed to get it done.. lol.
last time.. there's always someone to help me pump and ensure its good to ride.. haha. :)
no more.. :(

while getting lost in the Sembawang PCN, went on road for awhile.. though on road is indeed much much better to ride, didn't have the confidence to ride on road alone.. lol.
haiz.. it just don't feel the same riding alone.. =I
but.. tt's life..? haiz.

after the whole ride, was thinking.. 'hey what's on my mind through the ride?' and i realised.. nothing..
realised that riding around the area gotta concentrate and the mind can't really run.. the thoughts only come when there's some long stretch of road to ride on.. which don't really have in the park disconnector lol.

haiz haiz haiz.. its the start of the emo week..
lol very random.. brain not working le. eyes keep auto closing le.. haha.

Good Nites!

smile and let others think that everything is alright.. :)

omg.. my world spinning literally.. argh.
the effect of sleeping too little.. =/
why am i still online? to ensure that my dear laptop is still surviving after lishi nearly killed it with the blue screen of doom! =X.. haha. lucky nothing is missing..

oh my.. 281110 Sunday le!
Count down 7 days to Horror Horror.. =/
4 days to 'Praying hard' results.. =\
and..
lol. its the P.U.S.H week.. t.a.b.. have faith ba..

right now it shall be Good Night! (soon)
no longer able to survive with 2 hrs of sleep tsk.

everyday ends with 'tired, tired, tired' despite long hours of sleep every few days.. i actually fell asleep at 9pm yesterday and slept all the way till this morning.. lol. and i'm feeling tired again now.. =/

work ends with rain rain rain these days.. the sky is like the bell for work that rings '下班lo!' and starts raining super duper heavily.. and this started on the day that i've decided 'I must start running after work!' haha.. so till now i've yet to run.. and its only 1 more weekend away to horror.. =/

found out the reason why my sms keep auto deleting whenever i reset the phone.. messages are full.. filtering my sms tonight.. and that starts playing various videos in my mind again.. lol. some dates, some messages play movies in my head.. haha.
all those messages..
i miss.. just being with both sws and talk cock sing song.. eat and sleep the whole night.. and the rest of the day haha.. haiz. =I

IT fair is here once again.. SITEX.. 2 SITEX ago was one of the movie i can press the play button.. haha. this year's IT fair.. not been going except for the first one.. its just no longer the same.. haiz.

was doing some photoshop stuff few days ago and opened up my photoshop folder.. saw the folder with all the pictures did about this time last year.. the incomplete stuff still with aunty.. somewhere i guess.. haiz. few more days.. hmm..

oh and i realised that my results will be out next week!! argh.
OH GREAT! next week's going to be emo emo week.. =/

today i first time cab down to work.. can't drag myself out of bed in the morning..

and i thought i lost my phone for good when i can't find it in my bag when i entered the office.. calling it twice and no one picked up..

ran out of the office and tried to ask if the security managed to get down the no. of the cab.. but no..

when i thought its gone for good, i head back in.. but just before that i spot my dear black pouch lying on the ground in the middle of the road just outside the entrance..

:) i dunno how i could have missed it when i ran out.. if there's a cab there at the moment, i would have thought that the cab uncle drove back in and threw my phone on the floor haha. no complains though.. :) i must had dropped it when i alighted the cab ba..
still thanks whoever who helped me ensure that its there and not on the cab.. to keep it safe and not run over by any car haha.

my dear touch 3g and of cos dear dear black pouch.. thanks for staying by me this super careless forgetful girl haha =/ lol.

i really wonder..
but its ok.. kai xin jiu hao.. :)

had a short short trip out of Sin..
concluded that its not a runaway this time round.. i'm not running away from school since there's no school to be troubled about.. not running away from other aspects of life eg. work, sj etc. since they're still bearable..
and the only thing that's been making me emo these days.. I've brought them along for the weekend.. cos i choose to..

well as expected before i left.. things kept running throughout..
but everything else was better than expected.. had a good time just relac and laze around..

but there's also moments.. memories, thoughts just hit me..

sat was 初 15.. the moon was round and bright.. made me think of the days under the moon and the stars.. missed our journey together..
tt night, when singing 'Always on my mind' at the resort's k lounge..
the lyrics.. the mtv.. and the fact that its by s.h.e.. with my emo-ness.. combine it together, its enough to blur my vision and squeezed out a few drops.. lucky that the room was dark enough.. haha..
the place also made me remember that someone once said.. 'let's go for our grad trip!'
haiz..

this whole weekend.. was in the missing mood lol.
but well.. still had fun and a change of things for a weekend.. :)

another week of work ahead.. haiz.

i no longer get it.. but still Jiayou in everything..
be happy.. always m2bf..

Things seems to be starting to happen at the wrong time from the start of the day today..
things are not going smooth.. haiz.
makes everything argh. don't even feel like packing stuff for run run run away..
lol. its the emo period la haiz.

collected the race kit today.. reminded me of all the photo takings '全程跟拍'.. haiz.
reminded me once again 42 is coming in few weeks time.. another haiz. haha.

haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz.. lol. all the 'haiz'.

its going to be a tiring weekend.. cos things will sure keep running lol.

i dunno wad's going on but.. jiajiajiajiayou ba..
to them too..
esp. for mugging hard..

such a dream yesterday..
日有所思， 夜有所梦.. lol.

2 more days.. 2 more days to the end of the week.. to a short run run runaway..
hopefully body stop screwing up by then..

seriously need to get better and start running again..
with the nose totally blocked like this.. just don't feel like doing anything.. even talking is tiring.. =/
was telling bro.. it will be easy for me to die.. just close my mouth will do haha. =X

well.. just to share something that i felt true..

Some Moments In Life
- pravsworld

In every human life,
there are some moments when one is sad and depressed
Frustrated from every zone of life,
And feel like leaving everything & going away
And Life Goes on...

Some moments in which
one is wrapped with tensions
one wants to get out of them
and fly high in the sky
But can't run away, and life goes on...

Some moments in which,
one who adores hurts sentiments,
one needs a support, a shoulder to dry on,
But doesn't find one, and life goes on...

Some moments in which one gets tired of life
or so intensely hurt that one wants to die
one wishes to end up with life at that very moment, and life goes on...

And in every human life on day arrives
When there is a big halt to one's life.
And then the people cry
and show that they were concerned

Then the question arises
Do they wait for one's death,
To care, To understand the one
If so, then wait till death and until then
LIFE GOES ON...

and that's how to pull through everyday..
by telling myself that 'Life goes on..' and its a gift that we're living..
so live it well.. be happy :)
till the moment the gift is taken away from us..

guess i shouldn't have said about 'conquering another week' on Sunday.. its only 2 days for this week and I think that its conquering me instead =/ haiz.

monday started with the world spinning.. saw that coming on Sunday night when the nose started doing some 'stunts' and started feeling feverish again.. but well still dragged myself to work.. and work on Monday was argh.. fortunately my 'attached head' was around while i just tagged along.. and then she told me she would be on leave on tues and thurs.. there goes my hope of getting a mc.. =/ went home.. took 2 panadols and i took my first 12 hrs sleep since before exams.. haha. 7 to 7!

and to top up my wonderful monday.. my phone black out on me sometime in the afternoon.. and when i start up again messages for the past few days went missing.. left with last week messages. !!! haiz. though there's nothing impt.. there's small little things i would have like to keep from that 2 days.. oh well..

tuesday was not that terrific too =/ despite the 7 to 7 sleep.. body was still screwed. block nose and that led to a horrible sore throat.. and the fact that I've to carry out the sessions alone.. I'm almost shouting throughout the day.. argh. can't feel my throat by the end of the day.. =S. everything was quite hectic at work today with almost half of the office empty.. flu bug is spreading around..

and then my dear phone wants to join in the fun too by performing a stunt.. =/
after i've made a habit to lock my phone immediately once not in use.. have not accidentally for a long time le.. but guess today was too crazy.. busy. After receiving a call, just threw the phone into the bag.. only when are the residents left at the end of the day i took out my phone.. and seeing it at the contacts page.. my train of thoughts go like this.. "Oh shucks.. hopefully didn't call anyone accidentally.." and when i check the call history.. and seeing the 'last called' contacts.. i go "SHUCKS!" out loud.. and all the usual panic symptoms kicks in..=/so much so that my friend was asking me wad's wrong? haha.

typed a message to apologize for the 'accidental call'.. just about to send.. but last min i stopped.. lol dunno why too.. haiz.
just gave myself the excuse 'its almost 2 hrs le too long ago already.. weird lar..', 'aiya the call should be not pick up also lar..' =X haiz.
still.. sorry for any inconvenience caused..

lol.. out of the whole list of contacts and my phone sure know hows to choose ar.. haha.
是注定? 还是天意啊..?
life's always like tt..
there's always something to remind.. to pull us back to the past.. just when we tried to take one step forward..
it puts me into the Immb mood.. 

tonight its said that leonids meteor shower will be at its peak visible from Singapore once again..
remembered last year.. they're all still studying and can't jio them.. lol. tt's 1 year ago..
this year.. though.. well in short not going to see any raining stars too..
but well.. still make a wish.. who knows.. maybe a star just flew by my flat haha.

Make a wish, make a wish　你会听见真诚的回应..

thank god tml is a public holiday.. thurs going to be another hectic day.. haiz
may tomorrow be a better day..

*i realised.. my 'haha' had become a way to end a sentence.. when many of the sentences.. i can't laugh at..
haiz. will be much more appropriate.. lol.*

Its been a long and tired week.. haha.
started work.. the days seem to be passing at a different pace..
in the morning its 'Huh.. its only Wed?' and in the evening its 'OMG! its Wed already?!' haha.

work is.. ok. haha.. its a different experience..
at the same times it has reminded me that.. 人生就像一场戏.. everyone has their own problems.. their own story their others might not know.. life is just like a game/a show/a story and its up to us how we want to view and handle different things.. life is never fair.. its up to us how we are going to accept it..  
most of us are more fortunate than what we acknowledge..
make the best of what we're given in life.. 

and i also learned that.. no job is perfect haha. no matter what, will still feel sian now and then lol.
but also felt the joy of giving.. its the difference made to others no matter how small..
haha i guess its the heart for service instilled in us..

felt super duper lazy after working though.. haha.
have not even been blogging.. cos every evening seems to be gone so fast..
also realised I've not run since the exams ended! =/ die die.. race kit collection coming le.. meaning that 42 is coming soon.. i'm so going to die.. alone. =X haha.

dates came and gone..

111110 - a day to make a wish? haha.
121110.. 6 months le..half a year.. seems so long ago.. yet not that long ago..
hmm.. tt night someone said something and it once again remind me that not everyone remember the past.. to me it might be something special.. yet to others it might just be nothing..
but at the same time it had also shown me that..
the past.. is nothing but the past.. just like 110103.. i got over it eventually..
and it too had proved that what's meant to be will be.. cos 4 years after that, things got even better than before.. and to what we eventually have today.. :) I'll never have expected that on 120103.. :)
let's just treasure and enjoy what we have..:) cos i'll never be able to go back to that day and change things.. cos i'll never be able to know if maybe 4 years into the future will we be b once again.. I'll never noe.. so let's live in the present :)

weekend just FLY.. and its over! :( another week ahead.. but well with a PH. in the middle of the week and a weekend to look forward to.. hopefully it won't be too bad!
Let's conquer another week!

think the exams for nus going to start soon from all the stress fb status.. study hard and jiayou ba! :)

sometimes.. seeing the joy of others is enough..

a happening weekend.. haha.

sat was the first course day.. for me esp. since i didn't go for orientation last week..
on the way there, through it, after that.. now and then there's flashes of the memories.. hmm.
haha actually last week even when i'm not there for orientation.. while studying at home there's memories though i'm also not there last year.. lol. memories of the same scenerio..
haha there's always memories.. :)

well.. its a same same but different feeling..
but one same thing.. hopefully we can make a difference.. to the cadets.. and those under us..

cleared my after-exams sakae on sat too.. haha. its been a long time..
its not counted as the monthly sakae though.. don't know if that will ever resume though.. haha.
by the time we finish its late..
the late night.. the area.. hmm.. haha.
walking with aunty to the bus stop.. its a good night.. :)

but somehow though was super duper tired.. kept waking up in the middle of the night.. =/
somethings don't really feel right.. but well.. till i know of anything i can't do anything..

Sunday~ last day of my holiday before work starts tml!
finally snapped off my hair today.. haha.
aunty called it '烦恼都剪掉' haha. may things be better after this ba! haha.
it did brought lots of happiness for aunty though.. hehe. =P worth my hair le lar haha.

tml start work lo~ hope everything will be good.. :)

 

 :) like this lots.. haha. 

we learn to live with what we have.. what we're meant to be.. but..

somethings will always be remembered.. some people will never be forgotten.. 

they'll always be special.. :)

i always believe that there's a higher being/force around us..
some call it fate, destiny, the others believe that to be God Almighty in various names in different religions..
I believed in both.. fate destiny, God Almighty..
how else can I explain somethings, some feeling that just guide me along..
I still believe we're blessed to be.. t.a.b.

after a few days of 'still not feeling so good (in fact worse physically)'
finally a day with no ache, no pain..

today was a day to indulge in simple joy..
a day woken up by my dear hj boy can't be too bad ya.. haha.
seeing the two little boys grow.. seeing them is always able to bring warmth and joy..
kids.. they just have a special aura/power within them ba.. haha. :)
ok though these days there's also quite alot of 'terrifying' kids around haha.

later the night.. yes its just.. nothing much.. haha.
but yet to me it meant something.. :)
yes.. i'm so easy to please these days lol. and yes.. 我还是死性不改
always can't help but think how we all drift.. perhaps that's all part of growing up..
but moments like these reassure me..
perhaps its god's way of teaching us the lessons of life..
who will always be with you.. who will eventually leave..
who will be the star who will always be there no matter if you notice.. who will be the cloud that eventually fade away..

just when i thought everything's good tonight.. i saw.. and i felt..
perhaps i'm being silly again but hmm..
Have faith.. trust.. believe..
and know that there's always stars being out there..
just call and will be there..
jytcmf..

I know i'm being silly..
but i'm worried..
haha after exams got time to be worried again le.. lol.
sasath k..

:) Exams over! hehe.
Freedom is good as usual haha. not sure if everything will be good.. =/ but well.. there's nothing else i can do for that.. so just pray hard ba.. lol. Yesterday's finance everyone came out and said.. 'die lar!' and i'm quite glad for that =X haha. cos tt means high chance for moderation! lol. Its when like today and EG when pple say.. 'Ok lar..', then i start to get worried =/ lol. well. put that aside and just enjoy the next few free days before work starts..

not sure if its the 'this time is always the toughest' mentality.. but felt that this sem exams.. with all the preparation.. has been one of the toughest one.. mentally and physically.
keep falling sick.. fever, nose block.. and it only got worse.. by the last 2 papers I'm bringing in panadols.. =/ ya tt bad.. everytime woke up with a spinning room. haha.
and since last sem exam period.. with bad eating habits esp. during study period.. got gastric.. remembered the first time i felt how gastric pain really felt like last sem =/ this sem.. not that bad.. but with the screwed up body clock, stomach 'clock' also screwed up i guess..
start work le will be waking up early.. eating at lunch time, guess it will be time to let the body recover ba.. haha. and it will also be time for me to face the music too.. i've pushed back again and again.. guess i've been shown too many signs these days that i shouldn't be pushing it back anymore ba..


mentally.. its the first time for uni life. I'm one who become dependent on people and things if i let them matter to me.. so.. same goes to studying.. there's somethings that i depended on.. but this sem i depended on myself haha.. had a change of studying style too.. studied at home and force myself to be discipline.. 自己哄自己，自己骗自己 to study.. lol. by yesterday night i'm more or less just thinking.. its the last day! =/ haha.
last few sems.. though there's sometimes when things are not going that well.. when i thought that.. but there's always support eventually..
this time round.. hmm. haha.
i didn't really thought i will receive..  but i did..
a simple one is good enough.. :)
just before the last paper.. it make yesterday's studying better.. lol

mummy gave me a near-heart-attack this morning by rushing into my room and shouted "你几点考试?!" half awake I can't think but just stun and started to panic.. I don't even know what time was it then haha. asked mum what time was it.. still in shock. lol I can't even remember what she said then.. but well.. eventually i calmed down and remembered my paper is at 2pm which i don't think i've slept for so long.. lol. every sem there's one such scary episode.. lol.

well well~ no more studies for this year! haha.
its in nov le.. though its like.. wow 2 more mths we'll be in 2011! but i can't really say that its fast.. cos 2010 in fact seems like a loooonngg year.. its no doubt a not so good year right from the start.. =/
though along the way I thought things will be better in the following months.. but well.. haha. things proven to be otherwise..
Hey! I shouldn't be writing 2010 review now lar.. lol. there's still 2 more month (abit lesser) for that.. haha.
hmm.. just remembered the things that i'm doing halfway.. think will stop for the supposedly 2010's.. will cont' to do the 2009 one though.. shall dig them out tml haha..

time to sleep! and will be sleeping in peace.. :)

i'm not sure what's going on.. but hope everything's alright..
PnP and tc ya..

if i'm given a test on that.. i'll sure be able to do it.. no doubt.

11:11 (pm) on 011110.. haha i miss the 1111h time so make do ar..

Freedom's just ahead! last battle for this sem.. last 10k! let's walk faster! haha. didn't write run cos like 42.. by now.. not much energy to run le.. just walk faster ba! haha :)

leave the rest of the blogging till tml.. back to study! Jiayou Hong!
it means lots..thank you..