不吃肚子饿， 吃了肚子痛 argh.

and i'm suppose to be asleep 2 hr ago.. haiz.
don't feel fit mentally and physically fit for the race later..

just hope everything go fine..
and after tt will be rush back for more proj.. haiz=/

things are getting bad to worse.. i can only hope everything will turn out fine..
seriously f up..
though i deserve it i guess..
but somethings just can't be explained..
走一步，看一步
its either i'll reach the harbour or sink into the sea..

today on the way to school, on the way back..
the feeling then was.. horrible..
in the past i just need to send hundred ...... messages to either and their reply will make things better.. but it no longer work that way..
but well, though i didn't send, god arrange messages to come in that time..
though its not really the same and stop halfway.. it did made things slightly better.
perhaps its the almighty way of telling me just p.u.s.h and push through it, don't give up and they'll do the rest.
i'll do what i can..

i wonder will i ever sleep too long on my left and just be gone..
even sleeping worries me.. haiz.

i'm a restless kid.. need to move around constantly.. short attention span.. haha.
well.. though i think the lack of motivation and discipline to complete my assignment is a better reason.. =/

haiz.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! i'm going crazy..

keep seeing the rest updating their status to be finishing MC.. which i've yet to started cos there's SO for me. and the test on sat.. unless it mcq.. i think i must as well don't need to go.. -_-.

I'm dead. FML.
:(

horrible! this sem is seriously a killer.. not sure if i can pull through successfully.. =/

3 letters keep appearing in my mind.. F.M.L.

last post.. was an impulsive post..
expose too much once more..

these days radio, tv, facebook, everywhere.. we can hear 'Home'.
yup 'Home' in Feb is abit weird.. cos it felt like National Day is just around the corner.. but well. its for Total Defence day this time round..
attached video below..



despite hearing it over and over again.. everytime i heard it.. all the goosebumps will be on alert.. all the '毛站'.. lol.
few mins ago. radio just played it.. this time round.. more extreme for me with tears flowing haha.
perhaps its just the late night.. getting tired.. easily emotional when one's tired.. lol.

the scene flowing through my mind at the moment was.. make a guess?
haha.. nee soon camp.. the parade square when we have all our ndp rehearsal.. and when rehearsal ends.. when everyone rushing to go up the stairs.. all stinky.. they'll blast those national day songs.. and when its 'Home' everyone will just start singing 'This is Home, truly where I know I must be~' and its always a great atmosphere, a great feeling..

haha yup.. tt's wad went through my mind then.. and in that scene.. they're there.. ' this is home surely as my senses tell me, this where i won't be alone.. for this is where i know it's home.'..

i miss them.. and somehow the more stress i'm under, the more they'll be miss.. lol.
tonight.. i'm overwhelm by them.. perhaps cos i'm at home and not outside..
i shouldn't be blogging.. haha. it just make things worse in a way..

few more night of stress.. i just realised few days ago that there's a test on sat.. thurs-assignment, fri-assignment and tt leave me with no days to study for the test.. i'm screwed. haiz.

its back  to work.. hopefully radio won't replay 'Home' again tonight lol.


If you fight with your friends just put aside your ego, hug them and say,
"I need you idiot. At least to fight with you!" - Pravs World.

IDIOTS! bbsw! bakas..

they're so faraway..
i'm taking small steps to move on.. the steps that they've taken long ago..

heard 'Hey Jude - Beatles' while doing my proj. and remembered the music & singing session @ pv.. and got reminded that our lives are much more fortunate than many out there.. :) we're blessed.

though there's time we felt so alone.. remember that being sane, safe and sound, we're much more fortunate than many out there.. :)

tonight is a night that though i'm quite stress over the project.. and the foreign looking notes.. I think I'm blessed..

found the purple box file i'm looking for.. completed the full set of pbg. :)
then when i kept thinking of the past.. and in the 'life's horrible' mood.. i heard 'hey jude'.. remembered the residents.. and suddenly the worries in my life seems so significant as compared to theirs..

well.. take things as they come..

i thought i'm having the 'i didn't do anything so i'm in no position to comment' stand.
but eventually i think.. i just don't care enough anymore..

yet to decide what to think of it yet..
now its more of a responsibility.
if no responsibility then will look for own personal reasons..
no longer just the joy..
perhaps its just a feeling that will pass again.. idk.

well for now i know projects the main priority.. shouldn't think so much bout others ba..

I think i'm quite screwed.. looking at the next 2 assignment guides and both looked foreign.. =/
well.. time to write my own story.. :P

believed that everything will turn out find..
it has to be.. :)

afterall in life there's only one worst ending..
and when it comes to that.. nothing else will matter.. not to me anyway..
so.. yup.

last day of CNY.. and finally a day that i can sleep in peace with lights off, curtains down and not to be worried that i can't freaking finish the assignments..

but its just a one day break.. before everything starts all over again.. and this time round the 2 assignments are even harder than the 2 that just passed.. =/

oh well.. jy ba! cos after next week.. there's going to be one more week of 2 assignments due on the same week.. argh.

the overflowing assignments..

other than all the assignments and side effects of fever, headaches etc. that come with it..
the other thing is going not too bad.. managing.. and i'll stick to wad i told myself.. :)
things will get better.. it will.

what's being worse than having an overpowering group mate is a group mate who is 'carefree' bout the work.. the worse case that can't take it.. 'copy and paste'.
i rather be late than giving 'copy and paste', at least there's pride in own work..

assignments are screwing me up. horrible headache. argh.

projects in the library.. the quietness, the atmosphere.. it reminded me why i like the library.. but still, I hate the work! haha.

well at least i'm getting things done when i'm out..
its the last sem if everything goes well.. and i seriously hope it does..
but its also a hard hard sem.. other than the pile of things to do.. this sem it seems to be zillion time harder to drag and motivate myself to work.. felt like running away from everything..

its just a few more months! jy ba..

alone.. i can survive.

darl is the one who held my sky up and kept me going today.. she just don't know how much.. :)
Thanks Darl! :)

the shirt and shorts meant something.. but nvm.

more projects tml. haiz.

很累很累了.. in every way. get over everything and be freed.. can't wait.
goodbye, good night.

going rot sitting in front of the com moving at snail's pace..
and this is wad project done to me.. become totally random.. zzz.

Getting very restless.. itchy handed me.. played the playlist songs.. and in there most songs come with lots of memories.. and at such a time.. the eyes being tired, get wet easily.. and as I looked to my left and my right.. I see them.. I see us.. the happy faces.. those happy memories..

"We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry."
(http://www.buzzle.com/articles/broken-friendship-quotes.html)

ar.. wadever. shall just go sleep.
Nite :)

its 0505h. haha. though its not 0505 for date.. but 0505h since then always reminded me of something..

very long nv stayed up so late le.. guess it will be the trend for the next few weeks..
very very slow progress today.. haiz. only consolation should be that 'progressing slowly is better than nothing' haha. =/

morning lesson in few hrs time.. zzz.

Finally started doing the research and stuff for assignment 2.
In fact once started, its not so bad.. haha. cos its bout Singapore Athletic Association (SAA).. quite interesting. Something that I'm interested in. Though its harder to plan out the strategy as compared to the other 2 organisation/company but well, quite thankful that been assigned something that interest me.. more motivated to read the stuff haha.

At last its something good that happen today. Today is a.. nono.. not today.. yesterday.. 0902. Totally screwed up day with Murphy's law in play.. Nothing really big happened..but its all the nitty gritty stuff that caused all the ARGH! aiya.. if you get what i meant.. ok nvm. its over and today will be a better day :)
i hope so.. haiz. so not convincing =/

immb.. withdrawal symptoms.. =(

ARGH! I just can't get myself to start doing my work!
Bad bad very bad.. =/

the main part of CNY came and passed..
For most part, I've enjoyed the festive season with all the good food and family time..
but there's time the ever loud and rar-rar atmosphere is just too overwhelming.. sometimes am tired from constantly maintaining a smile.. the feeling of being alone despite the crowd.. will then escape from all in the room when home or at grandparents' place..

初一 at 外婆place.. stayed away from the others.. lazing on the bed.. and it came to me that, last year cny i nua in the same room on the first day too with my 'pig trotter' lol.. last year, was on the phone talking also on fb 'chatting' and i wonder.. how's their new year this year.. wonder if everything's good.. hope so.. :)

sat, family made a last min decision to came over my place for the annual steamboat..
didn't get anyone else over..
one of the rare moments when i'm alone in my room.. it came to me that.. its the first time in 4 years that cny's without either.. 08, 09 and last year was the few hours of 初一... lol. this year going to baibai.. i remembered how i jumped and wobbled.. lol.
time flies.. things change.. only memories stay..
life's a joke.

well got darldarl though lol. last min visit to her place.. :)
but.. i'm greedy.. very greedy.. and hope for 2 more.. :(

went down to floating platform today.. though there's nothing much there.. it still gave me lots of goosebumps..  and being the emo time.. its just tons of memories we had there.. lol.

well all in all.. its still a not bad cny till now.. happening new year too..
several new stuff around the house..
nearly lost my phone.. and finding it mysteriously..
a lovebird became the family pet for the last few days..
driving again after about 20 months.. (and i miss my p-plate gift..=/ )
and all the games and laughter for the last few days..

time to get back to work though.. haiz.
lessons to start again tml..

today.. it must be the emo period soon =/ emo day.. 

i already knew but knowing it again still caused an impact.. and the fact that i know she won't think there's anything wrong made everything worse..

i really wish they'll be there..

i don't trust t.a.b anymore.. i only can have faith that things will eventually work out..

zzz. braindead. more tired days to come for the next few days..
and gotta multi task with my assignment =/
yet to start on it.. argh.
1 more pile of stuff to clear.. 1 big pile.. :(

haha got the urge call pple to wake up! hehe.
i'm going crazy from the lack of sleep lol.

packing packing.. room's still in a mess.. an orderly mess though haha.
boxes boxes.. small medium large lol.
as i pack, i tried not to look through the stuff..
there's too much memories that still hurt.
but those boxes staring at me are already huge reminder to me.. lol.
the gei gao-ness.. how i make sure my clothes hangers are all in 1 direction. sort them accordingly to the hangers.. but tt's a bit hard to maintain lol.
'gei gao is contagious 是会传染的' aunty once said that. haha.
its the late night like this that kept reminding me.. in the past i'll have their presence with me..

its Feb le.. 1 month of 2011 flew by.. I'm not looking forward to Feb.
4 assignments to be due in the shortest month of the year..
not looking forward to the 12th cos its going to be an emotional day..
But well.. CNY is still something to be enjoyed :)

oh well i'm super random.. the fact that its late night.. hopefully nothing screwed up..
back to packing ba~
and hopefully able to start indv. assignment tml.. =/