well.. guess everything's alright.. perhaps even a great time.. good enough for me that everything's ok.. 又是我想太多了..

Finally watched movie after a long long time tonight.. nice.. but can't help to think how much things had change again.. 3, 2, 2, now 1. lol. its a change of crowd.. we have to adapt to life no matter we like it or not ya..

Passion Run last sat.. physically torturing but the route was nice and 1 thing good bout passion run will be the drink station.. cold and within good distance.. lol..

saw the news that a 55yr old guy's heart failed near the finishing line of the 5k run.. healthy lifestyle, run regularly, no previous records.. yet gone just like these.. its always a sad thing that lives are just so fragile.. during the run saw a girl being rushed up the ambulance too..

set me thinking along the way.. slow down when I know I need to.. but guess we never really know where's the limit.. remembered an episode of Grey's Anatomy where someone who went out for a run when his chest hurts.. sounds totally stupid.. and I lol at that irony.. cos I knew how that feel.. went for a run to feel alive.. to show myself that I'm still good enough to run.. haha. i-diot max.
well.. 生死有命，富贵在天..

passion run.. marked another 1 yr 'landmark'.. haiz. but well.. just let life decide what's next..

having a crazy thought for these few days.. need courage to carry it out though.. lol. depends a lot on 020611 too.. cos its suppose to be a grad trip.. can't go if I didn't grad ya.. :/ hmm..
thought of then we once said we'll plan for our grad trip.. then had foreseen its a trip for 2 already.. lol. but well.. I never thought things will change.. which did.. so.. no more trip for 2.. and as usual its hard to plan.. lol. somethings change, somethings don't..
and this lead to my crazy idea if I grad.. if I 敢敢地just do a solo.. haha.

lots of thoughts.. lots of unknown.. and well.. shall leave it till 2 June which will determine lots of things.. lol.

for now.. its all the training camp stuff.. i miss doing things, planning stuff with them in the past.. the discussions.. and the arguments.. lol. though its still discussions with ben they all.. but its never the same.. haha. ya i know.. things can never be the same..

oh shucks! late late.. tml got things to be done.. argh! nights.

The more I think about it.. The more I hated myself to always do things like these..

I should have known that somethings are better left unknown.. Haiz.. But I bet I'll do it again few months later.. Argh.

不如让我失意吧! At least I won't do such things and feel so crappy after that again.. :/ if only its so easy..

很累了却睡不着..

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stupid me.. went to do things that I shouldn't be doing.. and as a result saw things that cos a moment of :( haiz.. who to blame but myself.. oh well..

now i know more though.. but i wonder.. do i really need to know? does it matter anymore?
not much i guess.. let god take care of the rest.. we shall just wait and see..

as mention as the last post.. blame it on the late night.. haha.
don't even know why on earth am i not even sleeping =/

sometimes there's just a bad feeling that comes and stays for the whole day.. can't pinpoint how or what.. just the feeling.. and the feeling's not for myself though.. lol. a feeling that I should be there.. it felt silly but the past had shown me that my 'feeling' had mostly been right.. though most of the times I ignore it.. or dunno what to do.. only to regret later.. but at least I still know that everything's alright after..

nothing much I can do now though.. when these feelings arise.. just pray and hope that everything's alright.. haha. i felt so silly talking bout such a vague topic.. 6th sense? telepathy? hahaha. well even if that exist in the past.. its been such a long time.. whatever sensor, antenna will most probably be tuned to the wrong frequency le lol. haiz.

i'm not making any sense.. let me blame it on the late night once again.. lol.

everything's fine I guess.. :)
safe and happy k..

Omg.. pain.. Hopefully will be alright later.. haiz.

Afraid to..

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Waiting for 3 steps 1 bow (san bu yi bai).. All alone.. Guess this phase of life is here for me to learn bout being alone ba.. Lol.

With daddy overseas.. Aunty not doing it this year.. Woman who I no longer know well.. Well all alone indeed lol. Will be a new experience..

Just now a thought came to me.. 06 I'm doing it myself with daddy, 07 did it with aunty, 08 we did it together.., 09 together with 1 only.., 10 with another 1.. 11 I'm all alone again.. Come one big round and that's where I am once again..

Lol I don't think I made any sense.. Oh  well..

So tired.. last few days been packed.. Cleared some stuff.. Baby Rayden's Birthday.. And building some good karma with duty.. Lack of sleep.. :/

Well think the queue's moving again.. Bye for now..

So many things in life that I don't understand.. But I guess what comes around goes around.. One day I might see..

immb.. ph..

A new experience tonight.. And I concluded. Clubbing is not my type of thing.. :/ continue later.. Lol good night!

Finally bring myself to sit down and type some stuff down.. haha.
sometimes I just want to run run runaway from everything.. but I know that's not life.. and writing it down its always a way to get back to reality.. last time I write in diary literally.. and now its through blogging. Blog post posted will never be as personal.. but its a different communication to ppl who drop by now and then..

lol getting a bit sidetracked.

So.. well exams are finally over on monday.. Its been quite a blessed examinations.. except for IME. there's a high high chance I won't be able to grad this sem.. haiz. did what I can, and now its waiting for the verdict.. praying for a miracle.. maybe they'll enter the score wrongly and pass me? haha. perhaps miracle like my screwed up SO results will happen again.. SO was really a miracle.. I failed it, and then I scored. the first time I checked was the night before the first paper, and then I checked the night before the last paper.. big difference lol. got back the paper and I think that its being crossed mark with 2 different sets of comments.. thank god for the second chance.. haha. now I can just hope my final paper didn't screw it up.. but still.. IME is worrying.. :/

oops.. get out to do things.. and from the morning.. its the night now.. that's how the last few days been.. :/

Today was 1205.. another 1 year mark.. mark the day when I knew that things had change indeed.. rbwj, tzdm. the 8 words I saw and tears just dropped.. somehow it seems to tell me that the mind's been set and things won't be the same.. remembered the horrible next day.. when aunty finally asked and the late night convo that night.. those days.. felt handicapped. seems to have part of myself lost.. people and things that I'm close and attach to.. I hold them tight and they become part of me.. and when they're gone.. part of me's gone.. some can be attach back.. and some will just be left empty..

1 year.. how everything had change.. yet nothing seems to change..
slowly been learning of many things.. learning to take small steps and move on.. learning not to only look back at the memories and cry but to also small at it cos it happen.. learning not to let things and others matter so much.. learning that too many things in life is not within my control.. learning to trust and believe.. and much more..
However.. learning it, knowing it is one thing.. really able to do it is another thing.. haha. sometimes.. its just too much.. and BOOM! it hits you once again and throw you back down into the pit..
But well.. no one will see all this.. cos the smile, the happy me had been easy to put on.. what's going through inside is easy to hide.. now and then a tinge shown.. but those who's close enough to catch it are not around to catch it anyway.. hmm.. that's life.. 人生就不过是一场戏.. 真真假假，假假真真.. sometimes we don't even know it ourselves isn't it.. sometimes I wonder.. perhaps the happy me is the real me.. and I just want to miss them cos it had become part of me.. but then who's it to say that its not real? lol. I'm going crazy from debating with myself again.. :/

somethings nv changed though.. will always still p that they're alright and happy.. and p that one day.. wwbboa.. and well.. if not.. perhaps when I die.. god will tell me why hahaha. for me to do better the next time ya..

oh well.. lets get back to other things ba.. lots of things happen since the last entry.. miss a tri, did a run, attended a celebration.. out of the others that happened.. things passed.. and once its not noted down.. its hard to put it down again.. cos memories always just come out randomly when its left there for a while.. shall just keep it for myself..

tml friday the 13th.. seems that friday the 13th been a common thing.. lol. unlucky day indeed.. D&D! :/ i think I must not be in my right mind to agree to go! :( this is what happen when I grasp at any activities.. haiz.. I seriously hate dressing up. argh. just hope it won't be a too horrible day tml.. :( and at times like this I miss niaming on the phone.. haha. haiz. good thing today there's sms flowing in.. she'll never realise how each one made a difference..

well well.. been a super random post.. can cont' ranting if I want to haha. but its late.. time to sleep and tahan through the day tml.. haha. though I can imagine the happy photos posted after that.. smile :) hmm.

goodnight.
count the blessings.. not the sufferings.. we're all blessed.
p.u.s.h. cos I still t.a.b. one day.. one day.. I'll be shown what's meant to be..