Finally bring myself to sit down and type some stuff down.. haha. sometimes I just want to run run runaway from everything.. but I know that's not life.. and writing it down its always a way to get back to reality.. last time I write in diary literally.. and now its through blogging. Blog post posted will never be as personal.. but its a different communication to ppl who drop by now and then..
lol getting a bit sidetracked.
So.. well exams are finally over on monday.. Its been quite a blessed examinations.. except for IME. there's a high high chance I won't be able to grad this sem.. haiz. did what I can, and now its waiting for the verdict.. praying for a miracle.. maybe they'll enter the score wrongly and pass me? haha. perhaps miracle like my screwed up SO results will happen again.. SO was really a miracle.. I failed it, and then I scored. the first time I checked was the night before the first paper, and then I checked the night before the last paper.. big difference lol. got back the paper and I think that its being crossed mark with 2 different sets of comments.. thank god for the second chance.. haha. now I can just hope my final paper didn't screw it up.. but still.. IME is worrying.. :/
oops.. get out to do things.. and from the morning.. its the night now.. that's how the last few days been.. :/
Today was 1205.. another 1 year mark.. mark the day when I knew that things had change indeed.. rbwj, tzdm. the 8 words I saw and tears just dropped.. somehow it seems to tell me that the mind's been set and things won't be the same.. remembered the horrible next day.. when aunty finally asked and the late night convo that night.. those days.. felt handicapped. seems to have part of myself lost.. people and things that I'm close and attach to.. I hold them tight and they become part of me.. and when they're gone.. part of me's gone.. some can be attach back.. and some will just be left empty..
1 year.. how everything had change.. yet nothing seems to change.. slowly been learning of many things.. learning to take small steps and move on.. learning not to only look back at the memories and cry but to also small at it cos it happen.. learning not to let things and others matter so much.. learning that too many things in life is not within my control.. learning to trust and believe.. and much more.. However.. learning it, knowing it is one thing.. really able to do it is another thing.. haha. sometimes.. its just too much.. and BOOM! it hits you once again and throw you back down into the pit.. But well.. no one will see all this.. cos the smile, the happy me had been easy to put on.. what's going through inside is easy to hide.. now and then a tinge shown.. but those who's close enough to catch it are not around to catch it anyway.. hmm.. that's life.. 人生就不过是一场戏.. 真真假假，假假真真.. sometimes we don't even know it ourselves isn't it.. sometimes I wonder.. perhaps the happy me is the real me.. and I just want to miss them cos it had become part of me.. but then who's it to say that its not real? lol. I'm going crazy from debating with myself again.. :/
somethings nv changed though.. will always still p that they're alright and happy.. and p that one day.. wwbboa.. and well.. if not.. perhaps when I die.. god will tell me why hahaha. for me to do better the next time ya..
oh well.. lets get back to other things ba.. lots of things happen since the last entry.. miss a tri, did a run, attended a celebration.. out of the others that happened.. things passed.. and once its not noted down.. its hard to put it down again.. cos memories always just come out randomly when its left there for a while.. shall just keep it for myself..
tml friday the 13th.. seems that friday the 13th been a common thing.. lol. unlucky day indeed.. D&D! :/ i think I must not be in my right mind to agree to go! :( this is what happen when I grasp at any activities.. haiz.. I seriously hate dressing up. argh. just hope it won't be a too horrible day tml.. :( and at times like this I miss niaming on the phone.. haha. haiz. good thing today there's sms flowing in.. she'll never realise how each one made a difference..
well well.. been a super random post.. can cont' ranting if I want to haha. but its late.. time to sleep and tahan through the day tml.. haha. though I can imagine the happy photos posted after that.. smile :) hmm.
goodnight. count the blessings.. not the sufferings.. we're all blessed. p.u.s.h. cos I still t.a.b. one day.. one day.. I'll be shown what's meant to be..
