Its been more than 2 months.. so many things happened.
Great moments.. and moments when I don't even know what am I feeling..
But right now, its the lost feeling..
Don't know what I want in too many things. Just like to escape by sleeping. lol.
Pull myself out of the present. Let me look back to the past for now. Its easier.
Well since the last post, the most memorable happy moment will be 五月天 concert! haha. its an impromtu one, but nevertheless its superb! can't wait for the next one in 2014!
and other than that I can't really pinpoint any other special memorable happy moments.. that's sad. :/
ok perhaps the JB trip had been not bad..
hmm.. shao mu with family had been an annual heartwarming event..
I'm really quite reluctant to come back to the present.. but those past being past no longer have much emotions despite being something impactful on me at that moment.
The present.. I dunno what to blog about. cos even myself dunno what I'm thinking about.
i only know things are quite fucked up in every aspect at the moment.
but well.. shall just hold my silence and see how things go first.
I'm afraid of history of repeating itself. too many things in 2012 is a deja vu of 2010. just as F-up.
I don't trust myself to say things.. cos too many things others might not like to hear.
Easier for myself to walk away when I can't bear with what I am seeing than forcing others to hear things they don't want to hear.
Friends are too important.
I hate myself for all this. For what? What for?
Why do I always have to see different things from others? Out of everything bad, I see a good. Out of everything good, I must spot a bad. But too often, people won't want to hear the good when they grieve and won't take in the bad when they cheer.
Why, why can't I just walk away and just say no.
In the end no one gives a crap anyway.
Why am I rational and never able to be the emotional one even when a thousand thoughts fly through my mind.
Even with current pains, I see the past efforts of hoping to raise as a whole paid off. And I just come back to wonder if right now I am perhaps no longer good enough for my own teams.
Always with a barrier that stop others from coming close. In actual fact, many came through but did not realised it cos too often nobody realise the background fading in and out.
I don't understand myself and I guess I never will.
Well let's stop this nonsense. going nowhere.
Other than all those crap.. still pray hard for other things in life..
family's health luck really don't seems good.. all those visits to hospital.. hope everything will be alright..
