Sitting in a corner of 光明山.. the newly renovated park.. A new place in a familiar place, at a new time on a familiar day.
This year is the first year that I didn't do 三步一拜 since I've started in 2005.. I think. And its been even longer since I've not come to 光明山 on the eve of Vesek day. 今年什么都破例了。and its giving me a very bad omen.. afterall, this year everything had not been smooth..
As I finally reached home yesterday with my stomach aching that lasted longer than anyone before.. So bad that the chest and back hurts too.. And I'm one who always think my tolerance of pain is quite high lol.
I played a thousand sceneries over my mind.. At that moment I won't be surprise if I won't see the morning..
How glad I am to wake up on the sofa feeling alright once more in the morning.. With no memories how I feel asleep.. last memory of myself groaning in pain. Thankful I'm blessed in my own way.
0505: This Vesek day is the 5th Vesek day since the first one we did.
0505 is also the day that I last remembered what we talked about.. Its been 2 years..
光明山.. Its once where we stand and prayed through together. Though my wish then might not have been seen, I believed perhaps its just me who don't understand.. perhaps its for a greater good..
Things had slowly fade.. memories are no longer as clear.. as we build new great memories, they will slowly push back those older ones.. Especially those we'll like to hide.. But at unexpected times, we might accidentally touch those hidden ones which will then overwhelm us.
Its up to us.. How we want to fight back.. Its up to us not to let the past swallow us up again..
I've went through these feelings for the past 2 years (seriously I cant believe its only 2 years..), I might have sank into emo-ness for these few hours when I walk through the past with tears rolling in the eyes.. But I believe I can leave all this behind as I leave.
after all, the past is gone, the future is unknown, let's live in the present!
Be blessed my dearest. SASATH.
Be blessed my family. May all the obstacles we faced be gone peacefully.
